Immaturity

[sunshine702]

I honestly was a bit taken back at the immaturity dripping from my Narc mom's lips recently.  A heavier set woman walked into her store and the seething judgement to me about the size of her butt.  It was like I was talking to a 16 year old mean girl.  Not a nearly 80 year old woman who owns a store that is open to the public.  She mentally is a teen STILL.  She took a PICTURE of the woman's butt wand was "trying to send it to me"

I had a realization once many years ago.  She would talk endlessly about Golden Grandchild H.  I realized she saw herself as H.  It was a real lightbulb.

This was a moment where I really finally got what I am dealing with.  You forget - the body and experiences are 80 - mentally healthy people are focused on legacy and proud of the lineage.  She is 16 in her brain and it shows.

[Catothecat]

That's my mom, Sunshine!  She's always been a self-focused narc and has almost no tolerance for people who aren't "like her."  She believes (or did, as she's now suffering from dementia) that she was always right and just and perfect, and everyone else had to measure up.  If they didn't, she didn't like them or would talk about them as if they were inferiors.  Needless to say, she had no friends as no one was good enough for her.

Immature teenage mindset describes her well, except I've actually known teenagers and was one myself, once, who weren't as bad as she has been throughout her life.  It's as if she took on the worst aspects of the immature teenager and hung on to them.  She was a "mean girl" long before the term was invented.

[NarcKiddo]

Oh boy, this resonates! Mine is sometimes the mean teen, and quite often a toddler. It's very wearing.

[moglow]

Been there done it, Sunshine. Only I pegged mine as maybe 13 tops, prepubescent where the whole world revolves around and is only concerned with her. And by extension thinks like her. By 15-16 group-think and peer pressure are more important and mother isn't about all that. 

Mother never gives a compliment where an insult can be located. Maybe a back handed compliment,with an insult in the end. She used to tell us, if you can't say anything nice it's best to say nothing at all. Only she didn't practice what she preached, in fact went the opposite - when she couldn't see criticism or insult she'd clam up. 

I could totally see her doing what yours did, and laughing about it.

[Spyglass]

I couldn't give you a guess on my mother's mental age, but a mean girl teenager (at the oldest) in an adult's body feels pretty on the mark. Not just emotionally, but also in general life skills?

[sunshine702]

Life skills of a teen- yeah sort of.  My Scapegoat Brother and I regularly talk about "her never being dropped on her butt" - most of us get humbled when we get fired from a job, have gone through a painful divorce.  Have our assets worth a lot less due to the mortgage mess.   Through no fault of your own you lose a battle of life.  It's humbling - you are softer to others.  Well they move at such a snails pace and are never wrong that that has never happened to them so everything is perfect perfect perfect.  So yeah.  Gross
Fat people.  Could she be on steroids for a health problem mom?  Zero insight. 

[olivegirl]

That callousness, to me, reveals just how bitter my Bpd Queen/Witch is with her life.

I know she thinks she is tough and edgy by behaving like this.

I think she looks weak because she is expressing how much she needs to tear people down to feel superior.

That negativity and mean-spirit ness is one reason why I went to NC. 

[Cat of the Canals]

I don't think PDmil matured much past 6 or 7, and sometimes she's straight toddler. "I WANT!" and "IT'S NOT FAIR!"

PDmom is a touch more mature --  tweens or maybe a little older. Something about her version of "cool rebelliousness" is what I imagine a 13yo does when they're trying to emulate a 16yo. She was all giddy once telling me about how she'd seen one of my old high school teachers, and she'd "definitely had work done!" (i.e. plastic surgery.) I was like, "And?" Why does she think I'd care about that?

[JR]

this reminds me of my severely NPD brother, seems like he stopped growing mentally/emotionally at 13-15 years old, same childish behavior, same haircut,same clothes, same hobbies as when he was a teen, now he is pushing 60 years and not aging well in the looks department but hangs on to this I'm still a young buck attitude, seems they look in a mirror and see themselves as a younger person, very odd they do not emotionally move forward at these later years.just adds up to another of these weird narcissistic behaviors of which there are many.

[NativeAD]

100% agree. My mum often acts like a 13-16 year old, my dad not even that, he stopped growing at about 8-9.

Now they are in their 60's, always judging everyone, no capacity for sacrifice and hard work. Mocking me at times like bored teenagers. Instead of buying a home, saving money and living in a modest way to pay a mortgage, they chose to burn all their savings in the last 20 years by renting huge houses with garden and swimming pools. Never cared too much about sending us to college. Only my mum was keen for me to go to university and it was only after my amazing, hardworking grandparents died that we got some money that we could use.(of course I paid from my own savings after years of hard work most of it).

They tried very hard so that I didn't achieved my dreams and goals, they bullied me, mistreated me and played all sorts of nasty games. All very chaotic, toxic.

Now in their 60's they have no friends, low paying jobs, rent an old house and drive old awful cars because they failed to plan ahead  and lost money in all their investments. My father tried to retire at 42 and for several years my mum had to push him to go to work and make some money.   

[JR]

i think what happens is that Narcs stop growing emotionally at teen years, they dont seem to mind that their immaturity is quite noticeable to
healthy adults, there seems to be a severe rigidity with change or changing a direction, or try something different, they wear the same clothes,same haircut,same car, same everything all the time, and they also mimic what others do like some kind of competition going on when im not into it or want it, these people are quite disturbed emotionally and personality wise to the point they cant advance at all and self reflect on thier bad behavior.