Sister after NC with parents

[MoonPebble]

Three weeks ago, I told my parents that I wanted to take a break from our communication — that I'm doing well, I love them, but that's just how it is.
Right away, my sister (who is very close to them) messaged me saying that our mum was in shock and wondered if something had happened to me and whether I needed help.
I explained as best I could that I was fine, that it was my decision, and that I didn't want to cut off communication with my sister (she had asked, albeit a bit rudely).

Now she's writing again, trying to understand things. She says, "Mum is depressed but holding on," that our parents don't understand anything and that I didn't explain things to them, and maybe I could at least explain something to her.
Here's my reply to her:

    "Hi, thank you for writing. I feel strange myself right now, but at the same time, I feel better this way. I'm doing great — absolutely no problems! I've taken a pause. It's really hard for me to keep pretending like everything's fine in a relationship with people whose life values differ drastically from mine. And honestly, over the past few years, a lot of stuff from my upbringing has resurfaced that negatively impacted me.
    Maybe someone else would've been fine with it, but everyone's different — even two sisters from the same family 🙂
    I'm really sorry that this is affecting you too, and honestly, I feel bad for everyone, but I needed to take a break from the constant pressure to keep in touch and call regularly."

And now she keeps asking whether I plan to check in on our parents' health and "how I'd even know if they got sick or worse" (here she is quoting what my mum said to her). They're not even 70 yet.
I replied, "Well, wouldn't you tell me?" I don't see the point in being regularly updated. But she said it was important for her that I ask — that I specifically ask her to let me know if anything happens. That if I don't care about our parents at all, then fine, she'll just manage on her own.

I can see that my sister is genuinely trying to understand, but what else am I supposed to say?

[NarcKiddo]

I am sure there is no "one size fits all" where NC is concerned. But if you do not want to break communication with your sister then I think it is quite considerate of her to ask if you wish to hear news of your parents' health (or any other major life change, such as a move of home) or if you would want her to keep quiet.

I don't personally think it is unreasonable of her to want your specific guidance on these things.

[Penny20657]

Sorry to hear but also congratulations on going NC with your parents! I am newly NC with my mother and don't have siblings, but I think you need to be very clear of your expectations with your sister. For example "Please do not tell me about our parents' day to day activities (such as mom is depressed), but I would like to be informed if there are any major events such as their death, major/terminal illness. I also expect that you will not pass along my day to day information to them either. If you aren't sure about something please ask me before telling our parents. If you do not respect this I will have to evaluate our relationship." ...and revise based on your needs. You may also want to tell her that she and your parents do not need to understand why you are not in contact (unless you want to explain, but that opens your "reasons" up to be challenged).

You've got this!

[Call Me Cordelia]

Eh, the tone I'm hearing here is guilt tripping. "Fine, I'll manage on my own." You asked for a break. A break from the constant pressure to keep in touch. And what are you getting now by proxy? Pressure to keep in touch. Being rude about whether you are cutting her off too and asking the same question repeatedly don't really speak to genuinely trying to understand. My two cents, anyway.

[MoonPebble]

Eh, the tone I'm hearing here is guilt tripping. "Fine, I'll manage on my own." You asked for a break. A break from the constant pressure to keep in touch. And what are you getting now by proxy? Pressure to keep in touch. Being rude about whether you are cutting her off too and asking the same question repeatedly don't really speak to genuinely trying to understand. My two cents, anyway.

Thank you, these are my feelings exactly, but in true manner of children of narcissistic parents I am doubting myself massively here and her messages have sent me into a worse pit of guilt than where I have been since going NC.

[TimetoHeal]

I agree wholeheartedly with CallmeCordelia.

It sounds like your sister is very much enmeshed with your parents, and is acting as their flying monkey right now, whether she intends to or not.  I hope that she can respect your boundaries so that the two of you can maintain a relationship, for your sake because you say you want to.  But she is not getting off on the right foot at all.   

[Rebel13]

Agree with Cordelia and TimetoHeal (and your own feelings/impressions!) on the guilt-trippy-ness. Medium chill and grey rock might help  you create strategies to deal with your sister. If she is being genuine and not trying to manipulate you, no harm done -- if she is, you're protecting yourself. I use modifications of these to deal with my brother when he brings up stuff about my mom.

Grey Rock Safe Detachment
Medium Chill

[walking on broken glass]

Eh, the tone I'm hearing here is guilt tripping. "Fine, I'll manage on my own." You asked for a break. A break from the constant pressure to keep in touch. And what are you getting now by proxy? Pressure to keep in touch. Being rude about whether you are cutting her off too and asking the same question repeatedly don't really speak to genuinely trying to understand. My two cents, anyway.