Happy Days, my sister is back.

[blacksheep7]

 Hi all

I have to share  in order to give  a glimmer of hope.

To put you in  context, I've been nc with covertM for eight years which became nc with my siblings also. In their eyes, it wasn't their battle.

I celebrated a milestone birthday this summer.  One week before the big day she called. Usually I do not answer numbers that I do not know but this time I did beause of the same area code and number from the same area. The number seemed familiar but I couldn't put a name to it.  OMgosh it was my sister!

We were close, always in touch and live near each other. I missed her dearly the last years. I never ran into her either. In the last years I have been having news about her from her daughters that always kept in touch. So she had news about me.

OK, to the phone call. She said «hi, how are you?» and the conversation went from there. I was in total shock. We talked for an hour.   She is a changed person, she finally got it, the family dynamic, going as far as being nc with one of our brothers.   
She is the last of four, was parentified by M., wouldn't give her opinion, meek. We didn't argue but M triangulated us and we didn't understand as much as we do now. she speaks her mind and does so with M.  A changed woman.

We were able to speak of  what we had been through the last eight years concerning M and the family dysfonction, both agreeing.
I was able to hear about M, without reacting, just indifferent and sometimes I laugh just saying «she hasn't changed, has she». I remember, not long ago that I didn't want to hear about her, that  it would make me cringe but no, I just don't care. My sister doesn't judge me. She vents and I listen for support.

The most important thing of this outcome is that she called me and not the other way around.  Her calling meant that she understood me, that she was ready to have a relationship with me again and that we needed each other.

I suggested that she not tell M because she could get jealous and retaliate which I wouldn't want for sis, she agreed. Also that M has a mean streak in her. 

There is a happy ending for me
Maybe for you too 

[MaxedOut]

So much to love in this post!

Having her reach out. 

Reestablishing a relationship with someone you love and have missed.

Having her get the dynamic and validate what you have known.

Being able to talk with that shared understanding instead of just having a big area of conflict or avoidance.

Regardless of where things go from here (and sounds like it will be good) that call alone sounds incredibly healing. ❤️�🩹

It can be frustrating that people often have to come to see things on their own timeframe and from their own struggle. But when it happens I think it really carries a lot more permanence and power, since PD folks are pretty expert at triangulating, gaslighting, controlling, etc. so "conversions" so to speak can be shaky.

[bloomie]

blacksheep7 - Wow!!! What a great update. I am so very happy for you and the hope you have for continued growth and mutual support in the relationship with your sister!

[blacksheep7]

  Thank you for your reponses!

So far, so good.