Used

[Breadroll]

Woman connected to my professional life, created a friendship - and I now know  that she did this to divert attention away from unpleasant competitive undermining . Not sure why, perhaps a queen bee- . Unfortunately she is present in a small meeting group  that enjoy -and wondering if I should give that up.

I know what she is now- incredibly charming and very manipulative.

As much as anything, I feel used -and rather stupid- how did I not pick it earlier?  She elicited a lot of sympathy via a sad family situation and this clouded it for me.

She's now aware that I understand what she has done- and it's perhaps best to let her think I am beaten.

[Call Me Cordelia]

Well, if she knows you know, I don't see that as her winning. I see that as Game Over for her. Perhaps taking some time to take care of you is what you need right now, but now you have awareness and can start using the Toolbox!

[Breadroll]

Thanks CMC!  Yes toolbox in play - grey rock, being boring. The looking after myself-there's some work related bumps as she seems to have " poisoned the well" somewhat. It will pass of course, and just learned another lesson ....in retrospect I can see the signs...

[bloomie]

Breadroll - I am sorry this person is not trustworthy and has hurt you. Your compassion for another human being is something to be proud of. I imagine each of us here have been deceived and manipulated by a charming person with a truly sad situation. Please don't feel alone in that.

You are doing the wise and smart thing in learning from it, like we all have to, and making different choices going forward. You can hold head up high and carry on with the things that enhance your life and that you enjoy, savvy to the saboteur and her ways.

[Breadroll]

Thanks so much Bloomie for the understanding - and for a new phrase " savvy to the sabateur"...

New motto!

[Pinkos]

The "poisoning the well" issue is a big one. At the same time I feel like work dynamics are always shifting. And you never know! Sometimes you have to sit back, grey rock, and give people like this enough rope.

Don't beat yourself up for getting ensnared. Happens to the best of us.

[Breadroll]

Thanks Pinkos, much appreciated -
Feeling a bit better about it on the work front - but self questioning as I wonder how I seem to attract / tolerate this stuff, goes back to FOO  of course- but learning, slowly!