Bad Dream about N mom, 10 months after her passing

[Amadahy]

Hi, Everyone!

Big hugs to all on the journey of healing from the trauma of having a personality-disordered person in a place of prominence in their lives.

N mom passed about 10 months ago. I've felt the gamut of feels: sadness, anger, fear, relief, etc., but mostly relief. I was deeply afraid of my N mom.

Just a few days ago, I took a mid-afternoon nap and dreamt.  In it, my N mom was trying to come back into my house. I was terrified! I remember loved ones surrounding me, telling me I didn't have to let her in. I felt their care, but in the dream, my fear was bigger. Still, I realize in waking that the dream was telling me I am in control. I have love and support. My N mom can't hurt me again.

Just sharing in case its helpful, although I hope no one has such a realistic and scary dream. Maybe it was a last push from the other side or maybe it was a letting go for me.  Either way, it felt (feels) like a final intrusion, one that I did not have to face alone. Even in my fear, that knowledge was comforting and I was able to accept love and care (even while afraid), which is sometimes hard for me.

Hugs,
Amadahy

I awoke shaken.

[bloomie]

Amadahy - big hugs right back to you. What a complicated experience it is... the death of a disordered parent. The grief and the relief living side by side.

A profound moment your dream was. Maybe your nervous system releasing the fear you have lived with for so long and replacing it with the truth of your safety?

I am grateful you were not alone in your dream and that you were/are able to receive the love and care of others and reassurance through this.

Thank you for sharing this experience with us. It serves as a reminder of just how difficult and deep is..

the trauma of having a personality-disordered person in a place of prominence in their lives.

[JenniferSmith]

As someone who has found much wisdom from my dreams throughout my life, your dream to me sounds like a sign of the level of healing you've reached.   Even though you woke with the fear, I would take that as a sign of growth and integration, on the deeper levels of your psyche. I predict you will have more dreams about her in the following months or years, and there will be a shift in the tone and content in them as you continue to heal. I love that our minds can do this for us. Best wishes to you on your journey.