Mom Ruined Mother's Day

[LycheeMangoPineapple]

This is a long story, heads up.

So, last mother's day my mom got really mad at my sister because she slept in on the day. I slept in too, so she was mad at me too, but mostly at my sister.

Both my sis and I are in college and visited our parents' house to celebrate mother's day.

So when I woke up on Mother's Day, I had slept in, but usually my parents are okay with that, and I had had a shitty night the night before (I have nightmares every night pretty much).

I awoke to the sound of my mom yelling at my sister downstairs and my sister crying. This immediately made me freeze in my bed.

I usually take a bit to get out of bed in the morning, and I was already scared, so I went on my phone for a little bit to prepare for what I was going to face when I went downstairs. However, I suddenly heard stomping footsteps coming up the hall, and I knew my mom was going to mess with me probably.

Without knocking, she flung my door open. She yelled that she would drive me home right then. I asked her, what about the gifts I got her (I had spent like 100 dollars on nice stuff for her, which was wrapped and in my room) and she said 'oh so now you care about mother's day?'

Anyway, I went downstairs to put my gifts down there, and what I saw made my blood boil. My mom was being a bully to my sister. She kept yelling at her about how she slept in because she always stays up late, and my sister kept crying and apologizing, saying she set an alarm but she slept through it.

My mom just wouldn't let up and it pissed me off, no matter how much my sister apologized she kept insulting her. She was being a relentless fucking bully and it disgusted me.

I tried to keep calm, but I couldn't. I ran up to her and yelled that we had all tried to make this a good mother's day and she was being an ass.

It was all like a nightmare. She just kept yelling, because she's insane in the head. Oh, and my dad, who had just sat there watching my mom bully his daughter, confronted me then and told me to stop it.

And then afterwards, when everyone calmed down, she had the audacity to come up to me and say she felt like we didn't talk enough and we didn't have a close enough relationship. Gee I wonder why. Jesus christ. The saddest shit I've ever seen. Does she not know this behavior is deplorable?

A couple days after, when I was back at my apartment, she called me, and when the conversation slowed down and I was trying to end it, she said something like, "Would you mind talking more? I know you have a therapist, but you're MY therapist."

Like, motherfucker... the last thing I want to be in the world is your therapist. I'd rather be your undertaker. And after all the childish fucking shit she pulled.

Anyway, when I fought her about bullying my sister, she threatened to take away my apartment. I feel fucked now because my parents pay for my school and my apartment, and every part time job I apply to doesn't write back, and I'm probably not skilled enough at my area of study and too depressed and lethargic to make money that way. I have no skills, therefore no financial independence, therefore I'm fucked and I have to do what these people want.

[Rebel13]

Oh, I'm so, so sorry. This sounds awful for you in so many ways, yet also sadly familiar. They really do know how to get us, don't they?

Here's my story in case it might help you realize you are not alone.

I hope you are being very kind to yourself and getting the time and space you need to recover from your mother's awful behavior.

[LycheeMangoPineapple]

Oh, I'm so, so sorry. This sounds awful for you in so many ways, yet also sadly familiar. They really do know how to get us, don't they?

Here's my story in case it might help you realize you are not alone.

I hope you are being very kind to yourself and getting the time and space you need to recover from your mother's awful behavior.

Thanks for saying so

[walking on broken glass]

Hello, Lychee, I am so sorry. Reading your story made my blood boil too. I think your mum is threatening you to take away your apartment to keep you in line but hopefully it's an empty threat and she won't go ahead with it. Would your dad have any influence at all over this? Or would it be possible to think of other options, like getting a student loan? I know how difficult it is to have to depend financially on such parents. It won't be like that forever, just remind yourself that.

[LycheeMangoPineapple]

Hello, Lychee, I am so sorry. Reading your story made my blood boil too. I think your mum is threatening you to take away your apartment to keep you in line but hopefully it's an empty threat and she won't go ahead with it. Would your dad have any influence at all over this? Or would it be possible to think of other options, like getting a student loan? I know how difficult it is to have to depend financially on such parents. It won't be like that forever, just remind yourself that.

Thanks for commenting. My dad talked her down from taking my apartment, but it proved what I suspected for a while: that they would use it in order to keep me in line.

I feel like the more my mom realizes I'm starting to understand her tricks, even though I haven't said anything, the more she unravels like this, and only proves my theories true.

I should mention though, that I didn't behave perfectly either in the interaction. I got so carried away by my anger at my mom that I actually hit her, I'm ashamed to say. I know it's wrong, though, and I said sorry to her. I guess at the time my mind thought it was the only way to stop her from making my sister cry, the only way to retaliate and punish her. My dad pushed me away from her though so I didn't hit her again.

I guess I thought like this: If talking doesn't work, then you yell. If yelling doesn't work, then you hit. I've heard a saying before: the animal that bites is the one that's cornered. I know rational conversation slips off of my parent's brains, either because they think they are right, or because they don't care to hear anything else, and so I wish I could just push them far far away or something do I wouldn't have to deal with them anymore  lol.

Sorry to ramble. But your recommendations about student loans are something I should look into, thanks for mentioning it.

[Call Me Cordelia]

LMP, I am so so sorry you experienced this.

I agree with your interpretation of being like a cornered animal when you ended up hitting your mother. Of course it's not a good thing to do! You've already started to connect these dots clearly, but it really IS THAT BAD that you are driven to defending yourself physically. I think you can forgive yourself here. And you are learning loads from the experience. Your ability to maintain that cognitive distance, get out of fight or flight, and keep your rational brain thinking things through after horrible abuse episodes is quite amazing. Your resilience will serve you well.

"I feel like the more my mom realizes I'm starting to understand her tricks, even though I haven't said anything, the more she unravels like this, and only proves my theories true."

I think this is very insightful and unfortunately likely to prove true. It's common for pwpd to sense when they are losing control and "unravel" as you put it and ramp up the abuse in a desperate bid to keep that control. No matter. You're so far ahead that you are already framing it as confirmation of what you know. Eyes on the prize. She is only so much noise. Knock college out of the park and build yourself a fantastic life!

[LycheeMangoPineapple]

Btw sorry for swearing in this post, I don't know if that isn't allowed, I wrote it when I was really mad and I wish I could edit it out now ehehe