Caring for the widow

[Sojourner17]

My unpd mother is now a widow.  My uncles have made generous provisions for her financially and while money will be tight she will be able to stay in her home for the time being.  She is able to care for herself physically and does have people around who can help her with bigger and heavier tasks. 

I live 300 plus miles away.  She recently asked me to come as she is struggling with life right now.  I don't see any way to do this at this time and my husband and I do not think it would be a good idea for me to go with our children. 

I just recently read about caring for widows and orphans and how you are worse than an unbeliever if you do not do so.  Care is financial, physical, emotional, spiritual.  This is weighing so heavily on me. 

I don't have the time to flesh it out more than this at the moment.

[bloomie]

Sojourner17 - I am sorry this sat for a bit without a reply.

You describe a widow, your mother, as being very well taken care of by a loving circle of family and friends. There is much to be said about each person carrying some part of supporting her that they are equipped to and able to carry. When care is shared like you describe, it is a perfect example of caring for widows. It's really beautiful from where I sit that your mother has this kind of support.

Now... on to this:

I live 300 plus miles away.  She recently asked me to come as she is struggling with life right now.  I don't see any way to do this at this time and my husband and I do not think it would be a good idea for me to go with our children. 

Prioritizing your family and the needs of your family and yourself over your physical presence for the emotional struggles of your mother is healthy, wise, and important.

There are many ways to show support - phone calls, texts, cards, emails, video calls with you and your kids, researching grief support groups in your mother's area and suggesting them and sharing that information with her...so many ways to lend support of a widowed mother when you simply cannot be physically with her.

You are walking in love, kindness, and empathy AND respecting your own life stage and all of those demands. It doesn't seem like you are ignoring gross mistreatment, injustice, poverty, etc., of your mother. You are not able to give her what she is asking for, your physical presence, but you can figure out what you can offer her and do that.

[bloomie]

Sojourner17 - I am back...

It occurred to me to mention that your mother, as a widow, has her own healing path to walk. We all do. We all are called to carry our own load and when the load gets too heavy, others can take the parts they are positioned to take and support along the way.

Part of a widow's load is finding her way through grief and loss. Not alone, by any means, but sometimes by and for themselves as they adjust to the seismic change in their lives. Just a few more thoughts!

[Sojourner17]

Hi Bloomie,  thank you for your reply and your helpful perspective.  I'm in a very busy season of life with homeschooling, working part time and everything that comes with being a wife and mother of three busy boys.  I can do biweekly phone calls.  I just keep telling myself that's my limit.  Could I do more?  Maybe... but even a 1 hr phone call can go south if I'm not vigilant. 

My mom has the support of friends in her community, my sister and husband, two teenage grandchildren plus an adult step grandchild and wife living in her community.  Plus two brothers, and cousins that she has regular phone contact with (plus occasional in person visits).  Granted now my brother in law is possibly facing cancer so that reduces the amount of physical help she will have. 

She has ALOT of support. 

[bloomie]

Sounds like your mother is one very blessed woman! Thankful you can rest in the knowledge of that!

[Sojourner17]

   yep!