Hello, I'm new, I lost my daughter to BPD

[myshyangel]

Hello, everyone. I just wanted to take a moment to introduce myself. I recently found Out of the FOG through a link on the Mental Health America website, which was shared by my employer in recognition of Mental Health Awareness Month.

I'm here seeking support as I continue to grieve the loss of my daughter, who died by suicide a little over two years ago. She was 33 years old and left behind a daughter who was only 18 months old at the time.

My daughter was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) seven years before her passing, though I recognized the signs even earlier and eventually encouraged her to seek help. She was officially diagnosed by her psychiatrist not long after starting therapy, and I remember her saying she felt relieved to finally have a name for what she was experiencing.

We were incredibly close—she was my best friend—and losing her has felt like losing half of myself. I was often the person she turned to during her darkest moments. There were countless nights I spent on the phone with her, just talking her through the pain, and many days I left work to sit with her when she needed me.

She didn't reach out to me in the moments before she ended her life, and I will always wonder what was different that time. I miss her with every ounce of my being and would trade my life in a heartbeat if it meant she could have hers back. I believe she gave in to a moment of overwhelming impulse, and I truly think we could have gotten through what she was facing that night—if only she had reached out.

The thought of living the rest of my life without her is daunting. The pain is deep and ever-present.

Thank you for listening.

[xredshoesx]

welcome to the group @myshyangel

my condolences to you on the loss of your beloved daughter.  no parent is ever prepared to bury their own child.

as you work through your grief you may find it like an onion- on some days the layers are easier to remove, and on some days taking off a small part only brings more tears.

we are listening if you would like to share more of your history with your daughter as part of working through your grief.

[californiapoppy]

I'm so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine the pain you must be feeling, especially after losing your daughter in such a heartbreaking way. My heart goes out to you.

I also lost my sister to suicide about nine years ago, when she was 33. Looking back, I strongly suspect that she had Borderline Personality Disorder, and she even felt that it was a fitting diagnosis for what she was going through. She left behind a 6-year-old daughter, who my husband and I ended up adopting. She's 15 now, and while I'm so grateful to have her, the pain of losing my sister is still so heavy.

The "what-ifs" are the hardest part to process, and that deep, lingering pain never really goes away. Thank you for sharing your story. I really resonated with your post.