Coping with living with husband while waiting on divorce in 2 years

[nojoy_in_this]

So things have somewhat improved in the past year, maybe more so the past 6 months. We have been married nearly 30 years.

We have gotten to the point where we don't fight as much and abuse has been reduced to near zero. I still deal with his behavior issues but he seems to hide them well.

I am at the point where I am having moving forward. I don't know if the person he has become is something I am interested in and I have so much hurt that I can't seem to get past it.

He has been having counseling sessions with an Ai bot. He printed it out for me to read. It seemed to be the same old complaints about me and as the conversation went on he was pursing ideas around separation so we could both be happy.

We have one more child at home who will graduate in 2 years so I am thinking that is likely the timeline.

I just don't know how to cope with living with him for 2 years. He says he has done all the work and counseling. He asked about us doing marriage counseling and I got upset. I don't know why. We tried before and it was a disaster. It always feels like he wants me to go fix myself instead of both fixing it.

He had done some work and he is not getting drunk nightly, not demanding I have sex all the time.

He is saying that he needs intimacy - cuddling, hugging, sleeping in the same bed and that is his complaint. I just can't seem to go there for some reason that I have yet to figure out.

How will I get by another 2 years living like this? It can be done but I just hate that idea.

[Rebel13]

He is saying that he needs intimacy - cuddling, hugging, sleeping in the same bed and that is his complaint. I just can't seem to go there for some reason that I have yet to figure out.

Hi nojoy,

I am very sorry for all that you are suffering. I wanted to respond in particular to this -- sometimes things that are broken can't be fixed. Trust, warm feelings, love and affection, get broken by abuse. And even if that were not the case, the only reason you need is "I don't want to." You never have to have sex or physical contact that you don't want.

There are others in this forum who have lots of experience with these situations and will probably have good suggestions for you. But I, personally, hope you can leave sooner than two years. That is a long time to live in stressful conditions. I hope you can get some peace.

[nojoy_in_this]

Thank you. It is why I am posting. I am trying to come to grips with the truth in my head, not the guarded words I won't allow myself to actually say to him. He chose to be destructive for years and years leaving me lonely and sad and hurt, but suddenly he's somewhat HALF ASS better and expects me to be all cuddly and huggy.

It is a sign that he really hasn't changed.

[MaxedOut]

sometimes things that are broken can't be fixed. Trust, warm feelings, love and affection, get broken by abuse. And even if that were not the case, the only reason you need is "I don't want to." You never have to have sex or physical contact that you don't want.

 

[Deby64]

No joy, I feel your pain and truly understand how our hope has kept us in bondage. I left my updh almost 2 weeks ago. July 8th will be our 42nd anniversary. This has been a roller coaster ride of emotions. However with each passing day I feel stronger. The weeks leading up to me leaving he was raging with an inability to control his emotions. Now that I'm gone in my own place. He's texting to check on me and doing his best to be as sweet as honey. My head is Out of the FOG and I will not be manipulated with love bombing or anything else. They can not change. That's the truth I must stand firm in. It's nice to deal with this softer side of him, but it won't last. He hadn't in 42 years. Your peace is so important and for me. I couldn't stand walking around dead inside, I had to do this.