crazy time withToxic narc mother

[JR]

as we all know these toxic narcs will stop at nothing to rage fit any target  thats close at hand to gain their supply from over any imagined slight by them, my most recent explosion was over the air conditioner setting, she wants it up,she wants it down and refuses to actually know how to adjust the temp on her own to leave me out of it, so therefore since it wasnt set right punishment must be administered. So a back and forth screaming matched ensued, this person is so toxic and i've never seen or had to deal with a monster like this, the problem for me is i became a caregiver for this dark energy after she had a stroke in 2015 and she cannot truly negotiate life without a source of supply to complete her endless "to do" list then blame everything on, the unpaid helper. this has become even worse than any normal, mentally healthy person could ever imagine. this parent practices "reactive abuse" to the point of insanity, all done behind closed doors and not in front of the outside world to see because of obvious reason that society does not accept this behaviors and would be shunned for anyone who would act like this. freaking bastards they are, there has got to be consequences for these people like this.

[Rebel13]

freaking bastards they are, there has got to be consequences for these people like this.

Hi JR, the only consequences we are in charge of are the consequences we implement in response to their behavior. Have you checked out the Toolbox? Especially the articles on boundaries and no JADE. Working those strategies can help you get distance from the conflicts and start to focus on yourself, what you want, and what you can do. When you do that, it's a consequence for the other person to notice what we are doing differently in response to their unacceptable behavior. Of course, they usually don't like that, and will try various strategies of their own to get us back in line. But sometimes just a little taste of change is the first step on our own journey to peace and freedom.

Wishing you the best.

[JR]

freaking bastards they are, there has got to be consequences for these people like this.

Hi JR, the only consequences we are in charge of are the consequences we implement in response to their behavior. Have you checked out the Toolbox? Especially the articles on boundaries and no JADE. Working those strategies can help you get distance from the conflicts and start to focus on yourself, what you want, and what you can do. When you do that, it's a consequence for the other person to notice what we are doing differently in response to their unacceptable behavior. Of course, they usually don't like that, and will try various strategies of their own to get us back in line. But sometimes just a little taste of change is the first step on our own journey to peace and freedom.

Wishing you the best.

i will look into the toolbox for some help thank you and thank you for the rational help that you provide, when your tied up and are dealing with totally irrational and toxic individuals the lines of personal peace and reality become obliterated by this constant assault on reasonability and human decency many times during the course of the day especially since the weather is so hot out you can only step outside for so long then its back in the fun house for more. its like fighting a psychological war and its advantage narcissist cause they have nothing but wasted time to spend on this game whereas most normal people can work out stupid little issues. the sick part is that they know exactly what they do and have zero empathy for others they abuse.

[Liketheducks]

I'm not so certain that they know exactly what they're doing and specifically doing it maliciously.   I'm certain that is the case for some people with personality disorders.   Though for my parents, it seems to be just a function of how they've learned to operate in the world.   It works for them in relationships.   Until they encounter someone who doesn't play the game in the same way.   I believe that many PDs stem from their own childhood emotional neglect and trauma.  Hurt people, hurt people.

Once I got Out of the FOG of it all, I stopped being as susceptible to the manipulation and drama.   I'm in charge of my own peace.   The consequence of the toxic behavior is that I no longer respond in the same way that I did for most of my life.   They programmed this response into me as a child.   Now as a middle aged adult, I know that I can't change them....but I do have control over how I respond to them - ish.   (ISH, because the trauma they instilled in me as a child is still stored in my body and colors the lens in how I operate in the world....but that is my issue to work through...not theirs) I really have so much more peace being the "grown-up" with my elderly PD parents.   If you yell at me, I will not be spending time with you.   

Hang in there.   Caregiving AND dealing with this is tough.   I'm grateful that I was able to go NC and VLC to get some clarity and distance.   Enmeshment was part of our issue too.   I feel like I'm just starting to find myself individually....what I like and dislike....what I'm willing to tolerate and not.

Is there a way you can respond differently to her?   Nothing is ever as black and white as it seems to them.