My first post on this website

[LF1207]

Hi, I am new here and this is my first post.  I have nowhere to turn at this point and have been married to a man who I believe is a covert narcissist and suffers from Tourette's syndrome and Aspergers.  It's taken me 22 years to finally seek some outside help and accept this reality.  I go into denial occasionally and then there is another horrific interaction with him, which will once again, bring me back to reality.  I also believe I have a trauma bond with him and the reason I was attracted to him is because I believe my mother was also a covert narcissist and possibly on the spectrum.  In fact, I believe both of my parents were mentally ill and high functioning and this is something that runs in my family.  So, when I met my husband, I knew he had anxiety--I could tell, but that was all I chocked it up to.  Now after 22 years of control, verbal, and emotional and financial abuse (financially I have the resources that I really don't need his--but he still does what he can to be over controlling and try to brainwash me into believing I am dependent on him--which hurts).  This relationship has made me more codependent (I am working on that), with my family background codependence reigns supreme!  made me lose myself, made me abandon the things I was good at--to some extent, hyper focused on his moods, walk on eggshells and almost ready to leave.  I keep starting to feel bad for him and live for the breadcrumbs he tosses my way which is his way of pulling me back in when I finally am fed up.  He is a true covert narcissist which is common with people on the spectrum.  My husband has been in therapy for years and he has gone to therapy with me only a handful of times because he can't control the narrative there so after 2 sessions or so, he quits. 

After reading some of the posts here I think there are people here who can relate to all of this.  I also believe there are 2 sides to every story so sometimes people play victim and claim they are the abused one, when in fact they are devious and flipping the narrative to justify their evilness. (My husband is a pro at this).  I have a very hard time trusting anyone after the years of abuse I have been through in childhood and with my marriage.

I look forward to reading posts here, support and useful tools.  Good luck to all of us.  This sucks!

[notrightinthehead]

Welcome! I am so glad you found us.

I was in a relationship with my NPDh for 3 decades, presently involved in a very ugly divorce. My husband also is a master in claiming victimhood, I have no doubt all his friends/acquaintances/friendly strangers think very ill of me and try to help this poor, abused, exploited man.

It sounds like you are still together, so your first step should be to head over to the Toolbox and study the strategies there. You might also want to work on the eternal hope - only once I had managed to abandon the hope that I would finally get through to him, make him understand, that he eventually could see my value and love me- once I did not hope anymore, I found a way out.

See you around on the boards!

[bloomie]

LF1207 - adding a warm welcome to you! I am thankful you have found the community and reached out. I look forward to supporting you in your time here!