Happy Hooverday to You

[Call Me Cordelia]

My FIL wrote my DH a big long email for his birthday. They haven't talked in about a year, which has been about average for the last five or so years. I've been NC for about 8. I didn't read it. DH says it's similar to past missives, expressing regret for the broken relationship but no sense of responsibility or change, seeking information about our life, career, kids. FiL wasn't happy with how my MiL worded things back when she came to our city in the fall (and we opted to go out of town). How she worded things nine months ago is relevant? Okayyyyyy.... 

There's really nothing to be done but it's just plain dumb. Every time they "try" my husband just gets sad and wants to fix things. He brought up again that he doesn't want to just never see his father again before he dies. I just said I understand but nothing else about that. I didn't even try to defend myself for being cold this time. I left it in the good Lord's hands a long time ago and there it will stay. I do still get my Irish up a bit. But less than I used to because it really is the same old thing. It still baffles me that my DH has zero anger toward his parents. They just don't learn and don't really have it in them to care. Not really. Not much I can do about that.

Happy birthday! 

[bloomie]

Call Me Cordelia - I was thinking that possibly your DH has come to dread his birthday? Sending communication one time a year rehashing without taking responsibility for himself (fil) smacks as self serving at best. It is a crap move on your fil's part! I really hate this for your DH and the self doubt and possible false hope it might bring up for him. Makes sense to me that this would send him into the spin cycle again. I hope for his sake, and yours, he can begin to break the pattern this seems to set off in him.

[Call Me Cordelia]

Yes, self serving is my take, even through the filters of second-hand deliberately general report. Career has always been very important to workaholic FIL but when you don't have a relationship, why does that information even matter? It's all just pretty yucky to me.