HELP! My 1 Chance to Say it. Should I?

[Lookin 2 B Free]

UNPD has said lots of insulting things to me, sometimes implicating my adult FM child, too. 

My adult child's conversations, visits, phone chats with me are always carefully monitored. But we'll have the first 1 1/2 hr talk alone in over a decade tomorrow (maybe because I'm medically laid up right now?).  One thing uNPD told me last year that my adult child said about me has created a wall.  I no longer feel free to be myself, joke around, or really offer anything of substance at all. It has left me feeling really unwanted & cast aside.  Who knows if it was even true?

If my adult child and I were in each other's shoes, I'd want to hear what happened to cause this wall.  But that's me.

I won't be surprised if this is the only and last time we ever get a chance to talk unsupervised.  I'd like to be real instead of something superficial.  I'm so tired of us not being real with each other.  I also know that FMs do give up what's real in order to be loyal to the NPD.  I don't know what's right.  Any thoughts?

[Cascade]

I'm not sure what FM stands for but it may be a good thing to get that out in the open since you'll finally have the chance.

[bloomie]

Lookin 2 B Free - thinking you mean Flying Monkey? (FM?)

Only you can know what is best in this, but something someone very wise once told me... sometimes we need to say what we need to say, so say it one time and then let it go. Maybe this is one of those times?

Because the thought of you not being yourself with your adult child because of something you have not been able to confirm is true is sad. I imagine we all get shutting down because division and uncertainty has been caused between us an another family member by a third party's innuendo. It's painful! I'm sorry this has happened.

[Lookin 2 B Free]

Thanks so much for your support, Cascade and Bloomie!  Yes, I meant flying monkey.   There's so much wisdom on here because we know the normal rules of communication don't always apply in our case ... can, in fact, sometimes be quite unsafe. BTW, I love the "one time" suggestion.

So I did it, and I'm very glad.  What was conveyed to me by uNPD was not representative, but we didn't belabor that or any of it.  I let my FM adult child know that if, in future, it seems like there's a wall up, it's probably because of something similar on my end and that that's never the way I want it to be.  We shared a few tears and hugs and then a fun, relaxed conversation with some laughs and thoughts that we'll do this again.  I'm so thankful for this forum ... so thankful for all I've learned about how to break the cycle of family PD dysfunction I learned growing up!  I really have been "looking to be free" like my moniker and find it more and more!  Many thanks to you all for that!

[MaxedOut]

Good on you, Looking 2 B Free!

[Rebel13]

We shared a few tears and hugs and then a fun, relaxed conversation with some laughs and thoughts that we'll do this again. 

That's beautiful, Lookin2BFree. I'm so happy for you, and thank you for sharing.

[bloomie]

Such a great update! So happy for you and your child!!