Vulnerability vultures with open doors

[GoodPesto]

Over the years I collected experiences with people suffering from PD, especially the narcissistic type. While decompressing from their influence I thought about what they had in common and would like to share what came up. I would be interested to know if these are shared experiences.

What seems like a very positive trait and left me doubting the severness of what happened more often than not is that people with this disorder that I was in relationship with would almost all be welcoming me back into their lives, regardless of what happened and how ugly things had turned. I imagine it would be normal to be at least cautios when reengaging, to remain withdrawn for quite some time, or question the intention of getting back in touch, etc. I find it quite remarkable that their door seems "always open". Almost none of the people I suspect to suffer from this condition had ever turned their back on me and I am positive in almost all cases I could show up in their lives pretty much any time without having to put much thought or effort into how to reapproach them the best way (what again, I would consider normal).


Another trait that partially left me in big trouble because I wasn't able to protect myself was that moments of vulnerability were regularly exploited and sometimes enjoyed on some level. These moments were often used to initiate physical intimacy that wasn't matching the relationship and sometimes this intimacy was even sexualised. Like, hey, you just had a melt down because of something serious, let me see if I can get my hands down your pants. On a very charming level sometimes.
Also, sometimes when I was being vulnerable it seemed like they are getting something out of (witnessing or watching) it. It's hard to describe. And it was used as an opportunity to sweep recent dirt in the relationship under the rug in the sense of: hey, there was trouble between us, but now that I have been here for you when you cried, I expect you to forget what had happened before.

Anyone who can relate to this? Maybe my observations are accidental.

[Prototypian]

Interesting and now making me assess whether or not I have ever showed the traits.  I hope not! 

It's hard to say where the line between friends being there any time for any reason and someone being a PD by leaving out the welcome mat to trap victims they know will come back.  I suppose it's the actions and intent that separate the two.  Listening any time when someone is your close friend is a part of being a friend.   That's a giving part.   Expecting something or taking advantage is the using part. 

Then it's probably hard to separate the narcissist from the total jerk.  There are many jerks who are not narcissists but probably few narcissists who are not jerks. 

Some people in the world are probably looking for anyone to come into their sphere and open up so they can use that situation.   There are probably others who have made an internal commitment to their friends that no matter what they will drop whatever and listen when life hits.

Hopefully we can all work to recognize the difference.

[Rebel13]

people with this disorder that I was in relationship with would almost all be welcoming me back into their lives, regardless of what happened and how ugly things had turned.

This is true in my experience, and it's so weird. The caveat is, they'll welcome you back, as long as you never bring up what happened (except for apologizing abjectly) or try to hold them accountable. Any attempt to repair or improve the relationship by calling out bad behavior sends the interaction right back into the crapper, in my experience.

There are many jerks who are not narcissists but probably few narcissists who are not jerks. 

LOL, my partner and I were saying the exact same thing last night, only we said "a*holes."