Aftermath & Subconsciousness

[GoodPesto]

My memory for numbers is outstanding. Prices & dates for example I see or hear once I recall without effort for a long time.
Looking at a calender means in my world to most-likely connect the current day with a birthday, sometimes from pals in elementry school whom I haven't met again since it ended. The day remembered could also be a wedding date or a death-day, but most are birthdays. As I am no member of any of the popular social media platforms, I do not get reminded that way, I remember.

So last week a glance at a screen gave away the current date. The month of August is pretty full of birthdays for the first half, I am used to them lining up like a string of beads. This day though: Nothing.
Did not think of it.
Saw the date again later.
Nothing.
Didn't wonder.
Saw the date again later at night.
No connection whatsoever.

The next day a glance at a screen gave away the current date. It was the birthday of a bf from over a decade ago.
And then it hit me.
The day before, how could I not have thought of it, was a birthday I had celebrated big time the last couple of years, the birthday of the only person I had dared to say "yes, forever" to.
The only bf that I had moved in with, the longest relationship ever.

I had consciously noticed the date at least three times that day. I had thought of him that day as well, for sure, but did not make the connection? Of all the anniveraries in my head I completely blocked out this one?

It's been eight months since he moved out/the divorce.
How on earth did I let it happen? I knew already NPD-people are neither safe, nor healthy for me. He displayed narc and sociopathic traits even before I got engaged with him and I talked myself even into marrying this person?
There is so much to digest.

I guess it's time to look up Freud's birthday.

[notrightinthehead]

Isn't it amazing how the subconcious does it's job protecting you from pain? Well done your inner super hero!