Feeling triggered by holiday cards

[Blueberry Pancakes]

The holiday cards I have been receiving this year seem more to me like they are just cards announcing personal achievement and giving me a declaration of their awesome life.   
   
I do not want to be a Grinch. These are benign offerings of holiday greetings. I get it. However, I am just feeling a bit triggered by all the "awesomeness" on display. Is it real?     
   
We received one card from a cousin who got married earlier in the year. She invited us, but others in the extended family did not receive an invitation. Her holiday "card" was not a card at all but instead was a photo of her and her new husband as they exchanged wedding vows. She had the words "Merry Christmas" printed on it. She even sent that to those in our extended family who she did not invite to her wedding. They said they were hurt by it, and then to follow it by sending them such a card seemed like a tone-deaf action.       
     
I used to purchase actual holiday cards that had seasonal graphics on them and I would write a small greeting on the inside. Occasionally, I would insert photos. I stopped that a few years ago.
 
This seems to be a societal trend. I sort of feel like it mirrors social media in print form. So, I guess I just shrug it off as shifting preferences?
           
This year I just kind of missed what I used to feel like were actual seasonal greetings.
     

   

[walking on broken glass]

What on earth? This is so narcissistic. A card is supposed to extend wishes to the recipient, not brag about the sender's life!

[Call Me Cordelia]

I hear you on the metamorphosis of the traditional Christmas card. I think it is different than in years gone by for many reasons, some of which are healthier than others.

The annual Christmas letter thing: I enjoy reading them. Especially from people who I love but due to physical distance and just the busy nature of life I don't keep up with as much as we would like. And yes, it is a bit social media-y, in that it would be strange to be not overall positive about life, but people I know have shared hard things in them too, such as a death or job loss. I know what you mean though about the braggy barfy Christmas letter... I no longer have any of those people on my list!

Photo cards have become very mainstream, and I don't think it's completely fair to take using a wedding photo as a personal slight. It would have obviously been the highlight of their year. I agree with you though on liking cards that are primarily Christmas cards with seasonal images. But we also include a family photo so faraway friends can see the kids growing. We used a family photo from my daughter's First Communion in our card this year. We didn't invite our entire Christmas card list to that event, and just I didn't have it in me to get a Christmas-specific family photo this year and still get the cards out on time. Anyway, this sounds like so much self-justification but that's not my intent. I think it can be true that something can trigger us and we can extend a bit of grace to people. I'm sorry it's been tough. Christmastime just does come along with grief in some way, doesn't it?

[chowder]

Hi, Blueberry,

I, too, have noticed the societal change with holiday cards.  In the case of the wedding photo, that's the type of card that's sent as a wedding thank you.  Sounds like she had some left over.  But to send it to those who were not invited was totally inappropriate, and the recipients' hurt is understandable.   

We have received cards with all sorts of variations on the theme.  Sometimes a personal update from the sender is welcome and newsworthy, depending on the relationship and their location.  Other times the card seems rather impersonal, with just a photo and no personal message, but a printed signature.  One relative of ours would send cards with just a photo of her six grandchildren.  I understand that she's proud of her grandkids, but I've never even met them, and they're all adults now.  I used to think, can you let me know how you're doing too?  Or include a note asking how I'm doing?

On a similar topic, not holiday-related, some friends of ours recently received shower/wedding invitations from one particular person, who professionally has obtained her DPT - doctor of physical therapy, though not a medical doctor.  Of course they're very proud.  But the return address on anything related to the wedding read "The Future Dr. and Mr. Smith."  We had never seen anything quite like that.  Your professional title is for your professional life and related to your occupation, not for your personal wedding invitations to family and friends.

Anyway, we do find that friends and family send fewer cards of late, since we're in touch via so many different ways - texts, email, etc. - grateful to have less work during a very busy time!

[Blueberry Pancakes]

Thanks, everyone. The validation and being heard helps a lot.
 
I agree that the wedding photo would have been a nice application as a thank you note. However, the bride never sent us a thank you note at all. We drove five hours, spent two nights in a hotel, and gave her a generous gift, but she never sent us a thank you note, text, or any expression of gratitude. I asked someone else who attended the wedding, and this person also said they never received a thank you note so it appears the bride deemed it unnecessary. It just made me wince even more to realize the bride actually did have the ability to put a card in the mail. 

Thanks.