Things staying in place because they started there

[Prototypian]

I've noticed through my life with my uOCPD wife that anything that was done must have been done for a purpose and therefore it must stay.  This is in anything m, weeds coming up, an oak tree that grew within an inch of the foundation 15 years ago that now requires over 10k to removed from the foundation and plumbing, and things inside.  An example, our kids are grown and gone. We have a custom
Home with window seats.  The window seat overlooking the garden that leads to the entry mud room is covered with bins and piles of old swimsuits, towels and swim goggles.  For our kids when they lived here.  I've never been able to use this or appreciate it.  The stuff has to stay because that's where it started.  She doesn't want to move it until she fully understands where it goes and what will happen to it and it's important because our kids once used it.  You could say what about grandkids and I agree except that kind of my kids are married and I can buy dollar store swim goggles and we can put the towels in a closet and they're kot that valuable anyway.  I live like this with most things. Even scratches in the walls and furniture are valuable because they happened.

Does anyone else live like this?

[Call Me Cordelia]

No. That's really extreme. I bet the energy it takes to try to control the nature of life to adapt and change causes you to miss out on a lot of potential happiness. The swimsuits etc. are only preventing you from enjoying your space and using it in the present, not giving you happy memories.

My parents both have uOCPD and they had a "dump room" for years that was an entire bedroom stacked to the ceiling with bins of mostly "important" papers, but also things from my father's childhood. As far as I know he never opened any of those things, but nobody was allowed to touch them and many times he lost it at my mother for suggesting he get rid of it. They moved house and all the bins went, still unopened. There's an attachment wound here in my opinion.

But your right to use your home as you like is equal to your wife's, and the need for safety (like foundation issues, cleanliness, etc.) is more important than her need to exercise an impossible level of control. Your house has to be really dirty. You can't clean properly with piles everywhere.

[Poison Ivy]

I don't live like this. If I had a spouse who did this, I would move, get a divorce, or both.

[Prototypian]

I suppose that's what FOG means.  Fear obligation guilt.   Something keeps me in.  And has for a long time. It's weird that I couldn't understand or see it many years ago and now that I do I'm still sruck

[Rebel13]

I think a lot of people live like this. A Youtube channel I like is Midwest Magic Cleaning. The guy cleans cluttered or hoarded homes for free. He is very empathetic and has a lot of insight into why people act like this. I think he grew up in a home with PD or addicted parents and this is one way he copes with the trauma. I have learned a lot from him (and gotten motivated to clean!). Maybe it would make you feel less alone.