Too good to be true

[blacksheep7]

Holidays are a another form of discovering our family and their true intents/plans.   

You put you in context, youhave to read my backstory first:

https://www.outofthefog.net/forum/index.php?topic=96790.0
 
We were very happy to find eachother again after 8 years, due to covertM triangulation. I had a milestone birthday this year so I was elated. In my sister's bday card she she mentionned that our relationship was precious and that we would work on our reconciliation. This was in August. Her daughter's that remained in contact with me were extremeley happy as well.

Meanwhile my sister has had all those years to get closer to my dd, superficial relationship .My sister always got her supply from my gkids. Red flags in the past concerning her priorities, preferring  to see the gkids before me.

Fast forward to mid december. I have mentionned my relationship with my DD being very fragile and lc
being the blame for the divorce nearly 40 years ago. I tried explaining my lack of EI, offered my Mea Culpa to no avail refusing my offers to go shopping or a movie trying to create a bond. She never calls unless for her needs. Had a dug pool installed three years ago, no invite whatsoever. For years she made passive-aggressive remarks that I put an end to.
It was her narc father's milestone bday and she posted a picture of him, another gesture that she repeats favoring him. When she was 21 she ran to her father saying that I kicked her out which was a lie. She wasn't keeping her part of doing the minimum chores so we had an arguement. I wanted to discuss it, she ran out to never come back.  Her father never called me to ask what was up. Great parenting skills I did understand that she was an adult but still.

December 17th I called my sister to vent how upset I was about the picture of DD and father once again on Fbook. I then explained to her of dd absence or lack of in my life, showing her favoritisme for her father. She asked if she could talk to dd. I refused saying it wouldn't change anything. I poured my heart out to her saying I was to remove myself from Fbook and limit my presence with dd. I divorced the man for his lack of respect, putting me down to elevated himself etc...
I've been having christmas with the my kids and not one picture was even taken apart me taking them.

Sorry it is long but all the content is important to understand. My sister calls me the 25th to wish me Merry Christmas. I knew she was going to her b-in law that day. I asked her what she did on the eve, the 24th. She said her dd's were there and asked if I didn't mind that she invited my dd.  WT...???!!
I fell off my chair saying that dh and I were alone, 10 minutes away. I said no I'm not mad that you invited dd but that you excluded me! She replied that I didn't want to be in her presence after all the hurt.

Her excuse was that they have been getting together on x-mas eve while I was nc., ok fine but now it didn't cross her mind that I would be excluded and dd was favored. Her christmas eve gave her supply with my gkids She could at least ask me. No went ahead with it.

Now you must know that in Nov., I asked her if she was seeing her dds, she lied giving me excuses that one dd is expecting end of January and has trouble getting around, she would stay quiet. The other dd, well, she hadn't heard from her yet which was again a big lie in my face. She hid her plans all along. There was a reason to hide it from me. 

You also must know that this summer she called me crying and asked me not to judge her which I never did. She had gambling issues playing slot machines since Covid. I helped her. My sister is the type to sweep problems under the rug. Then a second time she called again crying that her husband found out, opened a letter from the institution which she made a loan to pay off her debts. He is a controlling and selfish  man and lies about his financial situation to his wife, my sister. Won't go into that, too long.

I am aware that when I help someone I do not ask in return but this is a situation where my relationship with my sister was building in trust. I lost it. She messaged me saying that she should have not asked if it bothered me that she invited my dd Saying she was sorry and asking for forgiveness.

In my book a relationship is a two way street. She seems to be more loyal to dd than myself. I wrote back saying that she decieved me Big Time excluding me this way knowing damn well that we alone and left out.

It's a hard pill to swallow, it does not pass and I am not ready to see her as she would like. No, she has to have a complete understanding and taking responsibilty for her actions. I said that she has to live with the consequences of her actions, it hurt me alot. Just like covertM and Nfather who preferred to be with their friends instead of FOO.

Thank you for reading
What are you thoughts?

[Rebel13]

Hi blacksheep, I'm so sorry for your hurt. It's so hard to be on the outside, to feel rejected and unappreciated. This sounds like such a complex situation. I fully support you taking a break from the relationship, giving yourself some time to process and see how things go. If you can, do something nice and nurturing for your own self.

[blacksheep7]

Rebel13, I thank you kindly for your response.

Indeed, I do agree that it is a complex situation which needed thought before action knowing that it would hurt me. If she was honest saying that she was stuck between a rock and a hard place, talking it over with me, we could have worked something out. I would have went to her house on the 24th, I would have not have made a scene. My behavior would have been the same as usual when we are in presence of eachother. All of our children were coming over for the 25th.
What irates me the most is that she hid it and later lied about not seeing her daughters at christmas way before I poured my heart out about dd picture of her father.
If sis had some empathy and recognition or regard towards me, it would have not been hiden.