Becoming a parent has been painful and clarifying

[neFLsurvivor]

I'm struggling with my birth family postpartum, mainly with feelings of abandonment and betrayal. I've always known that i come from a broken family (divorced parents, estranged parentified and dependent sibling because of parental triangulation) but nothing has ever been so clarifying as having my own child. In the first two months of my baby's life, every single member of my immediate family has lashed out and let me down. I am currently on low contact with all of them. No contact feels scary because of how vulnerable I feel after giving birth and struggling postpartum. Like it would be one more source of stress right now.

I have a loving and supportive husband, but this has affected him negatively as well, if anything because of how distraught it's made me. It's also really hard to struggle with a newborn all on our own, especially when we were assured my family would provide financial and logistical help. I'm looking for advice on how to proceed... how can I protect my new family while not repeating the cycles of disfunction from my birth family?

[xredshoesx]

welcome to the group @neFLsurvivor-

congrats on the arrival of your little one- you are a cycle breaker and you have already taken steps to protect your child from the same chaos you experienced as a child.  I am sorry your family let you down, again.  From what you have shared staying NC or very limited contact may be the best course of action for now, and if it is possible, maybe get some support for yourself as you are working through this grief of mourning your own childhood experiences- postpartum is already a time that can be a rollercoaster of emotions in the best of family situations.  lastly, you may have to steel yourself to accept that this situation is one of many of the times you have been let down by your family of origin- but moving forward you can use boundaries and the amount of contact you choose  to make it the LAST time it affected you so much.

be gentle with yourself today and enjoy your precious little one- hope to see you on the boards!

[bloomie]

Adding another warm welcome! I am thankful you have found us. The shift to understanding who we can/cannot count on is a painful one. Having a child, at least for me, was one of the most clarifying experiences of my life in my own family of origin. I imagine there is much you have known already, in a certain way, but somehow, at least for me, there is an underlying hope that the vulnerability of pregnancy and a newborn would be different. I am sorry this has not been the case for you and your precious family.

What this time became for me was a line in the sand. Before and after. A place I could begin to see how costly it is to trust in and rely on people who are unable or unwilling to be a source of strength and support.

As you journey through this, I agree with xredshoesx this is a good time to find reliable, trustworthy support and help. You have begun that by reaching out here! Well done!!

Keep coming back and sharing, reading, looking through the resources! It helps! Hugs to you dear one!