No more goating

[Avocado6]

Hi, new to this, and new to the realisation that i have been the family scapegoat for the past 50+ years. Dad had PD and brother & sister have followed in his footsteps. Both parents have passed and siblings display traits of avoidant and antisocial PD. They have a close relationship and vacation together. The upside for me, is that i feel i have been released from the passive aggressive, sometimes aggressive, bullying, blaming behaviour of my toxic dysfunctional family and can move forward concentrating on my direct, supportive family.
The downside is that i ruminate and overthink and worry about future interactions with both as there will be times (weddings, funerals etc) when we will have to communicate. How do i protect myself? Would appreciate anyone's advice who has had similar experience.

[bloomie]

Avocado6 - welcome to Out of the FOG! The cycle you describe experiencing... scapegoating (and maybe some ostracization with your siblings) is a cycle of damage that goes far beyond everyone involved and can lie dormant in our nervous system I have found. That could possibly be where the ruminating comes in?

The thing I have found is even when I am released through parents' passing, moving physically away, etc., healing and processing is still waiting for us to be ready. And it seems like you are hearing the ruffling of the pages as a new season of nurturing yourself and rebuilding from the false accusations and bullying awaits you.

Keep taking one step at a time and I believe for both of us who have experienced this inexplicable treatment we will one day be getting ready for an event where family members will be and it will be because we have truly repaired and reclaimed our place in this world!

[Kiko]

Hi there ,
I get it .. I do ..if your out , your out ..
At a wedding , funeral etc ..align yourself more with other parts of your family , you cwn talk to them ..
If they approach you and speak ...they want information,  dont give it to them.
Your plan is to be a grey wall ...
Boring and uninterested.
Your answers are one word.
Yes ...no ..ok ...shrug ..
Find someone else to talk to ..in a group ...
Sorry , I need to speak to ( nane ,) over there.
If you family,  is anything like mine , they don't want resolution ... just want you back to stabilise their world and throw more crap on you.
I too have a thread in here and I may be a bit like you due to the time it went on
Kiko