What to say?

[verum71]

My oldest son (26) (out of 3 kids) has always been close over the years and has seemed to drift away over the last 6 to 8 months.  It seems as though there is something going on in the background that is driving a wedge between his family and I.  I spoke to him on Sunday and he shared with me that he is having significant issues with his mental, emotional, and physical health.  I assured him that I would be there for him in whatever way shape or form that needs to be.  We talked about trying to be sure that we talk on the phone every day and he said that would be good - like after 8 when the grandkids were in bed - even just to quick check in.  I called him Monday - no answer and I left a voicemail.  Called him yesterday - no answer and I left a voicemail. 
There is always that lingering fear that my BPDx and possibly my youngest daughter might play a role in the drift that has been going on.  My daughter is close to my son's wife, and My son's wife  has been more distant as well, which has never been the case in the 10 years that they have been together (they are high school sweethearts).  When I stopped by to visit Sunday, she did not come downstairs to say hi.  I'm feeling angry and stuck

[bloomie]

verum71 - speculation is not your friend right now. I hope this lands gently as it is meant to. You can only respond to what you have been told by your son - that he is struggling. And you are doing what you said you would do to connect and be there for him.

Since you have had a good relationship with your daughter in law could you check in with her and make sure she has what she needs to weather what has to be a storm for her as well?

[verum71]

Thanks for the post here Bloomie - this is very good advice.  Seems at times like i am hard wired to speculate .  Met with a friend over the weekend and he gave me similar advice. My son did send me a text today and it does sound like they are struggling to find time to with 2 little ones.