Flying Monkeys be Flying

[Liketheducks]

Still VLC with mom.   My youngest brother's widow messaged me awhile ago....asking if she could drop by while she was in town.   I knew that she'd likely be staying with mom, but didn't ask. 

Had BW over for a meal....and was absolutely hammered by the flying monkey....even the language she used was so obviously my mother's.   Eventually, I shut that down....with I've said all I can here.  Unless I see different behavior from mom, my contact will stay just as it is.   IF mom put a fraction of the effort to rally the monkeys into meeting me with some form of accountability.....we'd have the relationship she says she wants.   Though, I think if that really fit in with mom's narrative.....she'd be making the effort with me.

SO, two days later, I'm just angry and sad....yet again.   I know I'll get through it...it is just a matter of time.   Wish it got better.   Mom is nothing, if not predictable.

[moglow]

All you can do is keep clipping their wings. Refuse to speak of your mother with them. Redirect and keep on redirecting - right on out your door if you have to. Future visits can be held elsewhere or not at all if you prefer, so you have an out.

[walking on broken glass]

I am sorry, Like the ducks.
It's so upsetting to see they are happy to continue with their manipulation tactics instead of engaging with you on a genuine level and also it's so frustrating to have this kind of poison infiltrate your peace. It may be necessary to draw some boundaries with brother's widow.

[Liketheducks]

There was a part of me that half expected my mom to pitch up with my brother's widow unannounced.   So, I guess this is an improvement of sorts.   My head just spins.   My mom has two surviving children who have markedly distanced themselves from her....and one who succumbed to suicide.   But, she's still able to convince so many people that we're the a-holes.  (Not to say that she is....There were a lot of things she did well....and a lot not so well...as we all do...but the continual throwing her offspring under the bus to gain support rather than facing her own foibles....it is a lot)