How did I not see this as abuse?

[Prototypian]

It's weird to me that I never knew or saw years of strange behavior is abuse.   I thought abuse would be verbal and mental things or physical.   I never imagined that the sum total of all of the hyper concern and hoarding and focus on all the strange details and being angry about opinions and refusal to hold hands or hug was actually a weird form of abuse.  At least I should have seen it that way for my values.

[xredshoesx]

when you are raised in a dysfunctional system, the abuse becomes normalized regardless of the form it takes.   one thing I had to do while reparenting myself in my 30s was to LEARN what 'normal' was.  my T and I would often discuss TV shows as what I thought normal should/ should not be.

it gets better, but the only way out is through. 

[NarcKiddo]

 

I still sometimes struggle to name my abuse as being abuse, although my therapist has confirmed that my upbringing was objectively abusive. I mean, some of the more major instances I can see are unacceptable, but even then are possible to explain within the norms of the 1970s.

Please don't beat yourself up with 'should have seen' for things like this. You've seen it now.

[1footouttadefog]

It's easy to go from one abnormal to another due to the calibration for "normal" being off. 

The ability to socialize and see these differences is often cut off my abusers because they don't want the victim to see the truth by comparison 

[Tribe16]

but even then are possible to explain within the norms of the 1970s.

Please don't beat yourself up with 'should have seen' for things like this. You've seen it now.

Something I struggle with often. I was almost 60 before I realized "this is not normal behavior." It's hard not to castigate myself for not realizing this 30 years earlier.

[1footouttadefog]

When in college, I moved to another state.  I took one math class in a series at one place and the second at another.  I then took a calculus class and did not have all the background I needed to be successful. Despite taking the correct classes in sequence before taking calculus and making a decent grade.

It seems there was a gap in the information I was taught.  One school taught in part one the other in part two.  I missed it twice due to changing schools. 

It does not reflect on my character, I did what is normal and expected.  There was still a gap that left me u prepared to do well with that next phase. 

Sometimes we don't get the parenting or mentoring we deserve.  It sucks but it does not mean we are inferior or have bad character. 

[Call Me Cordelia]

That's a fantastic analogy, 1foot.