Wife traveling with single male coworker

[IsleOfSong]

So this was not on my PD bingo card, but maybe it should have been? My wife and I live in the US, and she works for a European country so she frequently travels to the company's various offices across the pond. Next month her company has an event in Portugal, and my wife casually mentioned that after the work event she wants to add a couple of days to go to the beach there. I have no problem with that, given that she does a lot of long-haul travel and should make the most of those long trips. The part I didn't expect was when she mentioned that those extra couple of beach days would be with a guy who works at the same company in another US office. I didn't show any emotion about this when she brought it up, but it does feel strange to me that she would do that. She described him as a "single guy" but didn't mention him being gay, which is something she would totally mention if that were the case (and which would make me feel less apprehensive about it). So basically my wife is traveling with some single straight guy.

Now my wife has had many platonic male friends in her life, but this situation feels off to me. And if the shoe were on the other foot, I can't imagine how bad the optics would be if I were to go on a beach holiday with a single woman! Curious what you all think of this.... I suppose I should talk to her about it and my concerns, but you know how talking to a highly defensive PD person goes.

Thoughts?

[bloomie]

IsleOfSong - is this something that your wife does periodically? Stay for a bit in one of the locations with a coworker? And if so, is it something you would usually talk through, even just the logistics of it? Is there an understanding between you that either of you are free to plan a vacation time separately with others? Are you welcome to join your wife or have you been invited to join her? These are just a few questions that come to mind.

Given this feels strange to you, is it unreasonable to talk about how to handle this kind of thing going forward, within the bounds of a committed relationship, that reassures and supports both of you and leaves no room for doubts and uncertainty to creep in?

[IsleOfSong]

She has extended her international trips before — but she's traveled alone. Occasionally (because she goes to Switzerland) she has skied with coworkers for the day, to the best of my recollection. Regarding her upcoming Portugal trip, I've never heard the name of this particular man before, and the fact that it would be a couple of extra overnights is what gives me some pause.

Separately, she has gone on one international vacation without me (with a female friend). Interestingly, we just got back from a week together overseas, and it was during that trip that she casually mentioned the August trip and additional beach time with the male coworker. I wasn't "invited" on the upcoming trip, mostly because we've just gone to Europe together and I'd never do two Europe trips in successive months, nor do I have the vacation time for it.

Yes, a chat about it would be the healthiest option, but after years of her thin-skinned defensiveness and defaulting to conflict, I'm not especially eager to broach the subject with her. I just keep thinking that if I booked a trip with a single woman someplace, I'd catch all kinds of hell from her and anyone she mentioned it to. Maybe it's a cultural double-standard...

[1footouttadefog]

It's not a double standard.  She is disrespecting your marriage by brining this case for doubt and concern into it.  It's not worth havin a look at a beach for a couple days, or at least it should not be. 

She is being selfish or worse.