Made one post but forgot to introduce myself.

[cwylie66]

I am Catherine and I am 60, youthful soul still (maybe stalled in life from how I grew up,) autistic, suffer with CPTSD/PTSD and bipolar 2 depression and a few extra chronic illnesses.

I've had a twilight zone nightmare of a life dealing with two trippy parents. My father is most definitely a narcissist. He will be 90 and is still bragging about himself - almost worse than ever.

I recently went zero contact with his wife, who has been scapegoating and taking abusive covert to overt digs at me since I was 15.  This past year, I finally had had enough of her gatekeeping and her nastiness. 

Two years ago, I drove to do the obligatory visit. I often house sat for them but this time they never told me they were going on vacation and left their estate planing portfolio out by accident. My step-mother inherited significant wealth and they were going to update their estate attorney. My father also is wealthy with significant assets.

I had to look at that folder and I saw how badly I was sidelined - upgraded from nothing to a "gift" clause in 2014 which was not enough to protect my future as someone with disabilities they always shamed me for because they couldn't see them.Of course they couldn't see them because they actually were a precipitating or even causative factor in some of them. Anytime I went to a therapist as a teen, my father would fire them as soon as they wanted to look more into him and his drinking. 

But back to two years ago - I left the night they came back and have not been back since. A lot more has gone down since my mother wanted to speak to my father about my needs after they are gone so I can keep the house she is leaving me- and I have no other family after they are gone. (I am not close to my golden child half-brothers.)

He and his wife were complete a-holes to her and I've had to navigate that recently. It is another and more final painful brick in the wall of me disentangling myself from their narrative that I am just a loser who never tired hard enough.

I got a master's degree and still ended up not being able to work full time after a major car accident. My step-mother berated me for this after I spent five weeks helping her and my father after an accident he was in. I have worked more hours than she has, even with disabilities at my part-time book selling business. She is a spoiled narcissist, I finally figured out. I knew the spoiled part, but realized the narcissism much later in life.

My father has been sober for over 45 years and I never got a direct "amends" in all his years in AA. I've remained the scapegoat.

I have decided to deal with him strategically, as my mother got some more support out of him, but have let go of the idea of ever visiting them again and most definitely never again speaking to my vicious, every childish, narcissist step-mother.

My own mother is also difficult for me to deal with . Her mother had severe volatile issues and some of that comes out at me. I am basically doing my healing work, preparing to have no family at some point, and maybe even looking forward to them being gone some day so I will never have to struggle with the discomfort of them again. I should have gone NC many years ago, but my life did not work out like that.

I have never done really serious, intensive healing work, though I thought that is what I was doing at times, but now I am fully doing it and I am glad, but it hurts.

[bloomie]

Hi there and thank you for introducing yourself and offering context to the relationships that bring you here. I am thankful you have found this community of fellow travelers and have begun to do the work you feel you need to that will bring healing.

I look forward to supporting you!