Struggling

[Daughterstruggle]

Hi. Im a 46 year old woman who had to move her narcissistic mother in after my father died of covid.
And no- she cant move out. She cant afford to live on her own and makes to much social security to qualify for housing.
Ive always struggled with my relationship with my mom. Ive read tons of books on how to deal daily with a narcissist mom. But everyday is a struggle.
If i dont do one thing that she wants. I get "punished" with silent treatment (which at times can be nice)
or words like "can you do....... Without showing out?"
It gets old and im just so tired. Advice? Any coping mechanism that someone else has tried?

[bloomie]

Daughterstruggle - welcome to Out of the FOG. Oh, my what a challenging living situation you are grappling with. I am thankful you found our community, yet so sorry you are facing the day to day of living with these struggles.

The toolbox at the drop down menu above has been so helpful for me to find insights as to the do/don'ts of behaviors and traits with my own loved one. I highly suggest spending time reading through those articles and the glossary - which may sounds strange, but having language to put to certain dynamics I was repeatedly facing helped me to realize I am not alone or crazy. 

Finding my own lived experiences described here in the conversations on the community boards by someone I had never met reminded me that there is a pattern to certain behaviors and I could be empowered and learn how to establish healthy boundaries and carve out some space around myself even though living with a person who is highly ego centric.

Keep coming back and sharing. Read the threads and comments of others dealing with difficult and painful parent and adult child relationships. It truly does help to lighten a heavy load!

[xredshoesx]

welcome to the group @Daughterstruggle

I give you credit I do not have the compassion within me to help either of my biogical parents, especially with either of them living with me-  tbh the only way I could continue to try to have my own life as a young adult was to be completely NC with my mother and VVVVVVVVLC with my father.

in your situation boundaries where you can be a person outside of your role as a caretaker may be the best tool you can put in place as a boundary to give yourself some peace from your living situation with your mother.

one of our former admins always called the silent treatment the 'silent treat' for the same reasons-  it's peaceful.  for those other times, a technique called grey rock may help you cut her responses back because you become so boring in your conversations it gives your mother nothing to comment/ respond/ argue about.....  think about making your responses as non-committal as possible that either end the conversations bc there's nothing to argue on.  here's the toolbox link so you can get some other ideas

https://outofthefog.website/toolbox-intro/

along with the link for grey rocking https://outofthefog.website/what-to-do-2/grey-rock-safe-detachment

be gentle with yourself today.  we're listening when you are ready to share more.