My mom’s reaction to me going out has gotten increasingly extreme

[bluecrayon]

TW: Mention of assault/safety concerns in texts.

I found this sub because I feel completely isolated, trapped, and exhausted. I just need to know I'm not alone in this.
I'm revisiting these old texts because I've had two more incidents like this with my mom over the past two months. I'm currently living with her and these recent incidents made me look back at some of the older exchanges and realize how long this unhealthy pattern has been going on.

My mom sees her own therapist but has never been formally diagnosed and does not want to improve her mental health-she thinks she does nothing wrong. She only tells selective stories, painting a picture where I've been "the problem" since I was a child. I have a therapist who believes she exhibits BPD and narcissistic traits, along with severe anxiety.

Over the years, I've become deeply concerned and affected by the progression of her texts, particularly her growing paranoia and how she conjures up extreme scenarios that simply aren't true. Every time I go out, do anything independently, or simply have a good time, she harasses me. On the rare occasion she doesn't, she praises herself for it in a way that makes me feel like I should be grateful.

I'm looking back at saved text exchanges from a trip (I was in a different timezone so it was night for me) a couple years ago because this specific exchange was by far the most severe instance. At the time, I was in my late 20s, having dinner and socializing. Because I wasn't back at my hotel on her exact timeline, she launched into a text spiral.
Looking back at these texts, I feel embarrassed that I got sucked into arguing, constantly trying to defend myself and soothe her anxiety. I'm really trying to build firmer boundaries now, but it feels like an uphill battle, especially because my mom's therapist told her that I need to be "courteous" and keep her updated on where I am.

Has anyone else dealt with a parent who subjects you to this level of hyper-surveillance and catastrophizing, especially when you're trying to become more independent? Any thoughts, opinions, or shared experiences are welcome!
thanks in advance!

[Rebel13]

Holy cow, bluecrayon, that exchange with your mom makes my stomach hurt. It is super intrusive, and yes, my mom was the same way when I was at college and into my 20s. The more you can detach from her worries and concerns, the better! She needs to be on a strict information diet regarding your life and activities, it sounds like.

Please check out the Toolbox section of the site, and the what to do/what not to do areas, for ways you can implement  boundaries and learn to communicate differently so that you don't inadvertently provide openings for her to criticize or scare you. This is hard because we try to communicate normally, but kindness and open sharing don't work with people who don't have good intentions.

And just as an aside, I think the admins here recommend that people don't post verbatim conversations because of the risk that they can be searched and break your anonymity.

Please take care of yourself. Wishing you the best.

[Sojourner17]

Blue crayons,  I agree with Rebel13.  Your mom needs to be put on an information diet.  I used to get mixed messages and still get mixed messages from my mom on things I did or didn't do.  I used to work and volunteer in the inner city.  I used to share with her what I was doing.  Sometimes it would be ok, other times her questions and anxiety would create issues and fear within me even though I very rarely felt unsafe. I say rarely as there was one time when I felt unsafe so I turned around and got out of the area I was in.  It didn't matter how much reassurance I gave of my safety. 
Now the fixation is on my family's hiking excursions and running into bears.  Again no amount of reassurance satisfies and I sometimes think that her anxiety and pushing might actually end up causing the exact scenario where something could happen. It doesn't matter if I spell out the exact precautions my family takes, she's never satisfied.    Honestly,  I just wrote about if I was going to share my last hike with her or not.  Lol,  writing this to you solidified it...I'm not going to.    
You are an adult, I'm sure by now you have somewhat figured out what is and is not safe for you to do.