Parent of Adult BPD

[tinderbox]

Hello everyone
This is my first post after finding this site.  I'm at the end of the beginning with my daughter and her family.  She is 42 years old, married with two young children.  Her husband is exploitative of her illness which has gone unchecked.  Now she believes we don't want her and even has come to believe I am not to be trusted with the kids.  We finally had to say we feel that her husband is not welcome in our space any longer. So now there is silence.  I haven't spoken to her in several months and feel significantly more relaxed not knowing she's around.  I've come to define my experience foe 25 years with her as my double bind dilemma.  A non verbal relationship that has  no success  - ever.  We have come to learn she is moving to Fairbanks Alaska.  We fear what will become of her and her children.  This will be the girls 8th home in 7 years. As I write all of this I feel uncomfortable telling the story.  It brings up nauseousness and isolation   - fear and aloneness.  I hope this site helps to bridge the space of where I was to where I can be.   

[bloomie]

tinderbox - welcome to Out of the FOG. You write so clearly and well. Thank you for giving us a bit of context for the difficult and painful relationships that bring you here. My heart goes out to you as I imagine the long journey this has been for you.

I've come to define my experience foe 25 years with her as my double bind dilemma.  A non verbal relationship that has  no success  - ever.

Yes! This makes so much sense as you describe the double bind an entire relationship can seem to be. Such a challenge and such heartbreak and I am just so sorry!

I think of this place you are in as a kind of no man's land. The devotion and love for your adult child and grandchildren is alive and well and yet, you have no way to change the decisions your daughter has made. It is isolating. The thing about this community is you are not alone. This is a collection of fellow travelers who understand in a way that is truly unique. We are empathetic witness and listeners as you share. Something I believe you could really benefit from.

Keep coming back and sharing on the forum boards. Read and soak up the resources and conversations in the threads. Sending you strength and peace as you go forward!