CPTSD

[KM]

My partner of 7 years suddenly left me 2 months ago. We had decided to get married and this seemed to trigger her trauma despite her being committed to the wedding and our relationship. She moved into her parents and had a total collapse, requiring the mental health crisis team intervention. She has since been diagnosed with CPTSD.
We have barely had any contact but when we have it is clear she has made me the "villain". She is on antipsychotics and completely unrecognisable. Her trauma is born in the family home where she is currently staying
I'm trying so hard to separate the woman I love from the illness but she has said and done some very hurtful things since she left.
Will the real woman finally wake up and realise she left a happy and loving relationship because she was ill?

[NarcKiddo]

I have CPTSD (not formally diagnosed). I have no personal experience of a crash of the type you describe so cannot comment on that aspect. My immediate thoughts are that living in the family home with the people who caused the trauma is most unsatisfactory, and I would suggest that it may be her family rather than she who is making you the villain. They may have seen the marriage as her being removed from their control and they may have been making all manner of moves behind your back to stop the marriage and persuade her you are an unsuitable partner. If the hurtful things have come from her after she left then you may in your own mind be able to separate them from the woman you love who was (I assume) different towards you while in the relationship.

It is possible the real woman will wake up, but from my own experiences with an abusive FOO I would say that the chances of that are low while she remains where she is. In order to survive in that environment she will need to fall back on her old coping mechanisms and do what is necessary to placate the FOO.

I'm afraid that I have no advice for you on what you might be able to do because a desire to change her circumstances has to come from her. If you want to educate yourself more on CPTSD I can recommend Pete Walker's book "CPTSD: From Surviving to Thriving". Although it is primarily for survivors it is a readable book and may give you some insight.

I am very sorry this has happened. CPTSD is an absolute ***** of a condition, and not just for the person who has it.

[KM]

Thank you for this. She is due to move into her own house in the next couple of weeks. This timeline will coincide with what would have been our wedding day. I am hoping some of her true self may push through.
Before this collapse she was loving and kind. I think you may be right about the family as they want to see this as a "normal breakup" rather than face the reality of the trauma.

[1footouttadefog]

Sometimes it takes more than one try to find a med that is a good match. 

The first antipsychotic they put my pdH on was arapiprazole aka abilify.   He was unrecognizable.  Not a match!   Later he moved to something different and was more like himself.

It's possible she can have improved mental health.  You might have to accept that she can unilaterally end the relationship either way. 

You can still love her even if it has to be from afar. 

I hope you find a happy ending.