the everpresent 2020 triggers

[inHistime]

Even though I have had to most peace in regards to Inlaws the past year or so, I am finding this year extremely hard to not be triggered. Not from them but a lot of the attitudes and situations are rampant everywhere with everyone. Pandemic, Politics.  Anyone else? I feel like the manipulation and guilt trips are everywhere. The opinions of how exactly you should be living your life right now are constantly in your face.  Being treated like a child, a stupid person, a bad person, a SICK person, even when you're perfectly healthy.  I feel shamed and blamed. That brings up wounds from Inlaws and my foo. I'm kind of at loss for words but this virus and the ever changing narrative is hard to not feel like the whole world is treating each other exactly how I can not stand to be treated.

[GettingOOTF]

What helps me with triggers is learning to get out of my own head and not take things personally. The thing that helped most with this was writing down what I was feeling about a situation, asking if it was true and then writing down the first time I could remember feeling that way and why.

Things like the pandemic and politics would really have triggered me in the past for myriad reasons. They don’t anymore, at least not on the way they did.

Right now I treat every single person as if they are sick and I act as if I am sick. I actively avoid people in ways I never used to. Like getting up and moving, crossing the street. If I see someone behaving in a way that puts me in danger I remove myself from the situation. Previously I would have said something and let it upset me. This is the reality of how we live where I am now. It’s not personal, it’s simply how it is based on what we know right now. This is true for most things in life.

Being isolated, having  people avoid me etc. would have sent me in such a downward spiral a few years ago as it would have triggered all kinds of things from my childhood, but today I realize that I’m not that child anymore, these are different situations and call for different responses.

With the politics I do what I can. I vote and am very politically active in causes that matter to me. I accept that I can I can only do what I can do. I don’t argue with people about it, I don’t try change people’s minds. I’ve come to accept that people’s politics are the result of a lifetime’s experiential and conditioning. I surround myself with people that share my values. I have leaned that I don’t have to allow people who don’t share my values into my life, I don’t have to give them a forum on my social media accounts, my dating life or in my home. I used to be very people pleasing and codependent. Working on this really helped me to get where I am today.

Things still upset me of course but they don’t derail my day. I sleep well at night and go about my life making a difference where I can.

Inner child work really helped with being triggered. I recommend the podcast The Adult Chair. Codependent No More helped me to see why I reacted the way I did and how it was hurtful and harmful to me.  These are stressful times and more so for those of us who have complicated histories. Be kind with yourself and find ways to move forward.

[bloomie]

InHisTime - you have made such an important point about the triggering toxicity and finger wagging shame mongering that can be found in some circles and through interactions in various places. It does harken to the way we have been treated that is so dysfunctional and damaging.

I find that strictly limiting my media exposure and the subject of my conversations with others is helpful and taking extra time for deeper inner work and self care is important. I have been working back through some of my earlier recovery resources and revisiting the basics like boundaries - inner/outer, and reading through the toolbox and articles, books, blogs, podcasts that build me up and reinforce my healthy foundation and thinking.

Much strength to you and to us all as we stay the course and keep our heads and hearts guarded.

[Boat Babe]

Covid restrictions are really tough, especially if you live alone or worse, live with PDs. My heart goes out to folk having to live 24/7 with this. Solitude is by far the better option. But it is difficult, especially if you have C-PTSD.

Maybe do some journalling right now. I always get something positive out of every session and its a real driver of understanding and therefore healing.

I darent comment on current politics as I would be breaking the very sensible rules here. It's certainly a cause for concern in my world is all I can say. Same goes for some of the extreme, irrational narratives around how we respond to the virus.

I think we all have to dig deep right now and know who we are, what our best values are and to live bravely, as we have always done. Brene Brown talks a lot about this and she's spot on.

[inHistime]

Thanks everyone! Perhaps triggered was not the perfect word to use. I think the longevity of it all, I feel worn down. The damage might be minimal at each interaction but it's never ending.  I don't seek out political stuff or news, but it has invaded every aspect of our lives.  I can ignore, not take it personally, for a while, from some people. It just seems like the days to weeks to months and almost every person looking to every other person with suspicion and blame. I have a great group of people, not like that.  If it were my in laws calling names, using bullying tactics, blaming me for their problems, I would not tolerate it. A repeated theme with my mil was comply. Love is conditional, and if you don't obey orders you don't love her or deserve her love. Guess what I do love her, although not in the demanded ways.  Also my own M tends to treat me like I can't possibly understand anything or make a wise decision, just let her tell you and do that.  So yes, people are very opinionated and prideful right now, and really want to tell you what to do (the right thing), and how to love others (the right way).  I just can't completely avoid it.  But it's everywhere, from every direction.  I can guard my head and heart better than I currently am for sure.

[Thru the Rain]

I agree that all sorts of moral preening is ever present - covid, politics, you name it. And I'm done with it.

I've snoozed people on Facebook - some people I've unfriended entirely. I've pointedly asked people to change the subject, and if they won't I walk away or hang up. I'm all done and I don't care who's feelings are hurt by this.

To my surprise, my friends and even my dysfunctional family are OK with this. I think there's a part of them that's done too, and they're happy to be "forced" to put it down if they want to interact with me.

Have I been a jerk? Maybe. Do I care? Not one bit. Am I deciding who is allowed in my life right now? 100%.

[GettingOOTF]

It does feel relentless right now. I’ve been stuck at home since March. We won’t be going back to the office until at least the end of March 2021 now. That’s a full year stuck at home. Work is crazy so I’m exhausted all the time and don’t have any outlet as I’m doing everything at home. I actually consider this site a “personal interaction” now. Lol.

It’s an effort every day to get up. I had such plans for this year. Instead I feel like my entire life has been put on hold when I am already so far behind my peers.

It’s easy to get worn down by it all. For me I’m trying to focus on what I can do. For example I have deep cleaned and decluttered my home, I’ve finished projects like caulking, touching up paint, adding cabinet pulls etc. that have been outstanding for years. I finally gave up drinking and overhauled my diet which I e wanted to do for years but was too hard with all the events I had to attend.  I’m working out a lot and changing my body, working on improving my flexibility. All these things take planning, discipline and effort. They help me to focus and feel in control of my life when everything else feels so out of control. 

When I’m not working or doing these things I lie around doing nothing and I’ve accepted that this is a valid way to spend time too.

I think we need to look for those small things each day that we can control and that move us forward in some way.

With things like the politics, where ever you fall, there are things you can do at a local level. I know for me I feel much more hopeful when I see how many others out there feel the way I do and are working towards the same goal. It makes it all a lot more personal and a lot less overwhelming.

With the virus I am doing what I can to stay healthy and taking steps to give my body the best chance to fight back should I get sick.

I feel like life in general wears me down. This year it’s just been so much more intense.

My goal for this year though remains the same - to end the year better than I started it. It looks different today than it did in January but I’m meeting this goal.

People are always going to have opinions and push them on us. As I’ve learned to trust myself more this behavior bothers me less. I am more confident in who I am now so other people’s opinions impact me less.

I actually had a very peaceful social media experience this election cycle as I so ruthlessly culled my list over the last few years. Now I don’t even explain, you’re just unfriended. I think this has helped me avoid a lot of the behaviors people are describing in this thread.

Nothing is easy for anyone right now. We are living through events none of us could have predicted or were prepared for. The situation changes daily, sometimes more than once. However you feel is natural. It’s simply an awful time.

Edited to add that I know people all over the world. They are all saying the same things about the virus and politics. Everything is magnified right now because there is simply so much uncertainty.