Tired of my NPD parents trying to violate my NC

[poetandpunk]

Anyone else deal with parents that try continually to break past your NC?

My parents will try to get to me through new email addresses, sending messages via friends, posting things on my Twitter, you name it.

They ALWAYS paint themselves as being hurt or wanting to reconnect because I am 'mistreating' them.

They never acknowledge what they have done wrong. In fact when I put down boundaries and my husband and I explained our boundaries, they told me I was being disrespectful, hurtful, and rude. When I told them they have to respect when I am not available, my father kept calling persistently for hours. When I told them that if they swear at me, I will leave or not respond, they continued to do it. When my husband told them that if they bullied me or guilted me if I didn't give in to their MANY MANY demands, they went OFF ON ONE emailing me continually and calling me at work (I was a teacher at the time).

I finally went NC after years and years of manipulation, verbal abuse, physical abuse in childhood (beatings with the belt, etc), and countless incidents of my parents refusing to see me as an adult. Like when I was 21 and my parents took my car away one weekend from my college apartment because they didn't like who I was dating. When they used to read my email when I was 20-24 years old, and then yell at me when they didn't like something I said. When they demanded that I was around for every holiday or birthday or event, guilting me if I missed something minor, expecting me to fill their emotional tanks regardless of my own needs. I could go on and on and on, but trust me, I have reasons for going NC. It wasn't some minor whim because someone raised their voice once at me or said they didn't like my outfit.

My parents however act like I am completely out of my mind for not wanting to accept their abuse. When I told my dad once that he couldn't swear at me at the age of 25 or speak to me in such a cruel way, he told me he could do what he wanted and that he would pull over (we were driving) and break every bone in my body. Their general rule of behavior is 'because they are my parents' they can speak to me however they want, never apologise, and I have to accept it and 'respect' them.

ANYWAY!

I have been NC for 7 years but they try to get in touch. They have reached out to friends and said how much they miss me and how they long to reconnect. They have contacted my church pastor saying they want to reconcile and I refuse. They have persistently tried to get in touch through any means possible. But not because they are genuinely sorry or capable of a functional relationship - it's because they don't like the loss of control. I mean sure they miss the relationship too, but it's a relationship on their terms with their abuse and no change. They want children that meet their needs and take their abuse and that's it.

Has anyone else dealt with this? Parents that try to crack your NC through friends or acquaintences? What have you done?

[DistanceNotDefense]

Hi poetandpunk - wow, this persistent invasive behavior sounds so hard to deal with. I'm really sorry you're going through this, and if it's validating to hear at all, the way your parents have treated you seems wildly inappropriate to me.

I've had some FOO try to step on boundaries and break through the barrier I'm trying to put up, with minor hoovers etc. but nothing like this. Mine have gone the route of "oh I get it" after I haven't responded and it's becoming like a stubborn silent treatment staring contest, who will blink first (not me). Nothing like this. Very different.

Do you think your NC could be tightened up even more? Putting filters for your email? Making any new addresses go to spam? Blocking on social media?

Maybe it would be good to talk to these friends or even your pastor about your stance with family too, and tell them you don't want to hear anything. If friends are in touch with your family maybe it's smart to examine these friendships closer too, and learn why friends would be so willing to spread information to you, and the intentions there. Are they flying monkeys? Do they preface what they say to you with "wow your family sounds unwell" or does it just seem gossipy?

Don't want to give advice or make assumptions....those would just be the first things I would think about if my situation turned into one similar to yours!

[M0009803]

Situations like the OP usually come from an external source (could be family & friends) asking about estranged child, and the parents feeling embarrased/guilty.  This then sets off the increasing attempts at hoovering
the estranged child back.

Had this happen a few times to me and the PD parent (s) will try to hoover and pretend like nothing important happened in the past. This kind of re-writing of history is common and usually comes and goes in spurts with one caveat:

Just like when people ask us how our parents are doing (and we either avoid the question or lie about it), so do others to our parents (who likely know little about your life at this point so they have to either stall or lie). 

Problem is, they will eventually get caught lying/stalling, as its much more commom to ask parents how their kids are doing than vice-versa.  This is the inpetus for their attempts at getting in contact.

[TwentyTwenty]

Hello, I'm sorry you are going through this.

You're parents are engaging in illegal harassment and stalking behavior. They are terrorists and causing you mental and physical harm. I'd recommend looking into the laws in your area.

When I was in your position, I had a lawyer send each member of my FOO cease and desist orders, saying that all evidence of their illegal stalking and harassment actions would be used to prosecute them to the fullest extent of the law.

I've had wonderful peace and happiness for 3 years now.

[JoJo]

This is actually my first post! (Longtime lurker, I've gained a lot of insight from reading this forum. I thank you all!) But I wanted to reply because what you wrote resonates utterly with my situation and I wanted to say how sorry I am.

I know how this feels -- the exhaustion, the trauma of it. In my mind I compare it with one of those TV movies from the 90s about stalkers. You just know that, no matter what, they are NEVER GOING AWAY. I'm so tired of having to think about these people.

I am NC with my Ndad and VLC with my Enmom. NDad was physically violent and terrifying, and he violated boundaries in ways that have made me feel icky and scared my whole life. (That break-every-bone-in-your-body line in the car really got me. I think my dad had the same manual. The car was one of his favorite battlegrounds.) My mom sort of gets it, apologizes when I really go off, but always goes back to: your dad loooooooves you! with me. To her, my dad's terrible childhood and his "love" for us trumps all else. Ironically, my dad was, actually, the more loving parent. My mom was detached and depressed and just not... motherly. My dad has never accepted responsibility for his behavior and is always the victim. One of his recent attempts at contact was bemoaning all that he has lost in his life. Not all that he has destroyed, but all that he has lost. All that has been done TO him, in other words.

So. Yes. Like your parents, my dad also laughs in the face of boundaries. The world and everyone in it belongs to him! Especially his children! In a fit of pique he told me I'd never hear from him again. Well... That lasted a couple of blissful weeks and then the endless (endless endless endless) contacts began. I've blocked him everywhere and still he emails (goes to spam), tries to text (blocked but I can still see the attempt), tries to call (blocked but still goes to voice mail), leaves VMs. The messages cycle through the gamut of manipulations -- being SUUUUUUPER nice and acting like nothing is wrong, being super sad and pathetic, being angry. He also does these wonderful veiled threats, alluding to how he's watching my life somehow from afar, etc. I have ignored every attempt so far, reminding myself that if I respond, I am teaching him that attempt #178 is the correct number he needs for a reaction.

Your situation, though, is really even more challenging, I think. In theory, I could ignore, delete, let go unread every attempt. (Why can't I??? Part of it is I'm scared of him and want to monitor his escalation. My older brother, who is also NC with our parents, manages to ignore all contact, but I can't seem to do it.) But how to ignore this when your parents are dragging other people into it? People who are important in your life, like your friends and your pastor? Plus, in my experience, people who don't have parents like this really can't get it. Even people with crappy parents, in my experience at least, tend to think that everyone else's crappy parents were only as crappy as theirs were. They tend not to believe that parents can get a whole lot crappier. As in dangerous. As in deranged.

You didn't specifically ask this, but is part of the dilemma what to say to these folks your parents are trying to use as interlopers? Sounds like they don't know the true nature of your PD parents, if I'm reading correctly, and I'm wondering what other people might have to say about executing some radical honesty with these friends. This has always felt impossible to me because I, like a lot of us, was raised to keep the dysfunction a secret. I wonder if anyone has had success with coming up with a very authoritative response for the pastor/friend-type people in our lives, something like, "Thank you for letting me know. It's been one of the hardest things in my life, letting my parents go. I had to do it, though, because not only am I a survivor of extreme physical and emotional abuse, but unfortunately my parents have proven themselves unable or unwilling to accept responsibility and make changes. I wish it were like the movies, where bad parents recognize the damage they've done and have an awakening and subsequent transformation. Because, in spite of the abuse, I'd love nothing more than to be able to start again. I've had to accept, over many years and many attempts, that they are simply not capable of a functional relationship that won't ultimately continue to damage me. I'm not a child any longer. I don't have to allow that, and I won't." Updated after reading DistanceNotDefense's post: DND has some good points about considering the motives of these folks!

As far as addressing your parents... oh my gosh. What a hornet's nest it is, isn't it? With my Ndad, I've been considering a cease and desist letter from an attorney. But, truly, I am frightened of doing this. He's scary. And unbalanced. And HE WANTS ATTENTION. There's a part of me that can't stand giving him any.

Or I've been thinking I could send an email with a final warning -- stop contacting me or I'm taking legal action; this is harassment, etc. But I'm scared of this too.

I've read a lot of posts on this topic -- what to do, what legal action, if any, to take -- and I'm always left with the impression that we really have no good options in terms of getting them to STOP. This is terribly depressing to me, because it feels wrong in the way things that are utterly wrong feel wrong. I mean, we should be able to tell someone not to contact us and have them just stop. But I suppose the answer is in what everyone says about boundaries -- they are for us, not for them. I can wrap my head around that in the abstract, but in practical application? No idea. (Twenty Twenty -- your comments, which I just read before I posted this, give me hope! Maybe it is the right thing to do, taking some form of legal action. How free you must feel!)

Reading back over this post, I see it's about as useful as mammaries on a trout. At the very least, though, I can tell you you are not alone. I get it. I know a lot of us do. And it just plain stinks.

Sending compassion and hope for respite.

[Call Me Cordelia]

I'm one who has been through the harassment as well. Phone calls (blocked), mail (once six Hallmark cards on one day), gifts, flying monkeys, oh my!

The last straw for me was also my erstwhile father reaching out to my pastor. He wrote him multiple pages of how wrong I was to cut him out, he didn't deserve this, scripture scripture, pity me, it's your Christian duty to get my daughter back in line. Oh, and while we're at it let's put in some heavy hints that my daughter is herself a neglectful, unstable mother to hopefully trip off pastor's mandated reporter obligation. Yeah, nope. We have a close relationship with our pastor and he is well aware we have food in the house, oh my gosh.

So you are not alone in having a father like this.

A cease and desist seems to have done the job. For the last two years we have had nothing. I also sent a copy to HIS pastor, who had been roped in to trying to arrange a meeting between my father and my kids without me present. NO!

It worked for me, at least for now, but you have to mean it. He may call your bluff and if you don't have lawyer or the police on his ass immediately, get ready for the ride to get even wilder. I've had a few flying monkeys around the death of his mother but they were easily brushed off, and didn't admit to be acting on his instructions (not that I asked).

I believe my father will hate me until the day he dies. Fortunately for me I made clear that I meant business and he has some sense of self-preservation. But if can come up with some way to hurt me that he believed would not hurt him more, I'm sure he would do it. Psychopaths cannot face reality or they will fall apart. I was told how my father was so hurt, couldn't sleep, etc. I'm sure. I could no longer accept the self-destruction of holding my father's world of lies together for him.

I don't know where you live, etc. but one of my biggest successes in my life is just building a life of my own, far from FOO. Almost every single relationship from my hometown was already defunct by the time I went NC. The few I was in Christmas card level contact with was very superficial. I bet you can understand how growing up as I did made it hard for me to have many good friendships! I had already shaken the dust from my feet, so to speak. It would be so so hard to have people in my life who are also in regular friendly contact with my parents. Looking back at the people who my parents would call their "friends," not a single one of them is emotionally healthy. I can see now that many of my classmates' parents deliberately distanced themselves from my family.

More accurately, that should be those who call my parents their friends. My dad is the sort who will leech onto a guy whether the interest is reciprocated or not. I'm well shut of them all, because of their own dysfunction, but also because the potential FMs are far far fewer and don't really get to me.

[Hepatica]

Coming from a family with a father who believed that his two daughters are his to use for narc supply, I am following this thread to learn as well.

My father has no respect for boundaries. He's walked into my house without knocking, went through my belongings and read my private mail, hit me and my sister whenever he couldn't manage his own temper.

In remembrance and honour of Woman Interrupted, I recommend reading through her posts. (She was an amazing, no nonsense person that helped so many people here with going No Contact.) She was fantastic about removing the sense of obligation that we carry as children of these kinds of people. When I read her posts I felt bolstered.

Basically poetandpunk, if someone ever says to you, no matter who they are, acquaintance, friend or family, that they will break every bone in your body that's the line you draw and then you walk and you don't look back. I'm sure there were probably many lines before this that your father crossed. You walk because this is not love. This is intimidation and control. Your father is behaving like a thug to a member of his own family. Dare I say this happens more to us as daughters? There is a culture out there all over the world that seems to believe family owns its daughters no matter how they treat them. They do not own us. It is ideally a reciprocal relationship based on trust. It's about love and support and compassion. It is not about using threats of violence and intimidation to control. That is subverting the entire ideal of family. (I know you know this. I'm just venting now and telling myself the same...)

You owe your parents nothing. Time to shut it down. Change and close email accounts. Shut down all social media or open a new account and block them. Change phones. Talk to someone about cease and desist. Avoid any former friends and family and do not give them contact information. Put locks on your gates. (I just did this and i feel better.) They don't have access to you anymore.

It's good that you've kept them at bay for seven years. You might have to talk to someone about what are your next steps, but first and foremost no contact - with them and anyone who knows them or associates with them.

[poetandpunk]

THANK YOU SO MUCH EVERYONE!

I've got a little baby so I am super busy, I had to budget time to post this, but it was so worth it. Thank you for your empathy and compassion!

I am going to reply more specifically when my baby naps later . . . but for now, I am so sorry so many of you can relate, but I'm grateful for your insights.

Heaps of love
xoxo

[BeanerJane]

Yeah, I've dealt with an Nparent who won't leave me alone.  I had to leave social media, move out of state, and not share my address with anyone.  We put the house in trust so she can't google my name and find our residence.  I pay for a service to scrub my material from the web when it pops up.  I hate it that I've had to make my world so small but she finds me and harasses me otherwise.  Someday she'll be dead and I can breathe a little easier.

[poetandpunk]

So thanks everyone for your replies! Seriously. So validating and helpful.

Here's a bit more background:
my husband and I put down some boundaries with my family when we first got married. We said that if they said or did certain things, we wouldn't feel emotionally safe and wouldn't want to be around them. Instead of apologising (that has NEVER happened), they told us we were being disrespectful and rude. That we were HURTING them.

So I went through a slow process of blocking them from email, getting a new phone number, blocking them from social media, etc. Over the years they have been super persistent; using moles to find out where I might live, creating new email addresses to message me, etc. I could go on and on.

I firmly believe some families have conflict and issues but they can move forward together, if both parties are able to see how they are wrong, and both parties are willing to grow and change.

In my family, and families with NPD members, it is not like that. The dynamic is totally enmeshed. My parents cannot accept their children are adults; they think we exist to help them feel secure and important. I can bore you with all the details of what this looks like, but you probably already know. We exist to make sure my dad feels 'appreciated' and respected for all he has done for us (even though I am now 40) and we exist to make sure all of my mom's insecurities are looked after ('i'm so hurt you didn't want to have lunch with me last week' 'don't you care about your mom's feelings?' 'you were talking to that lady for so long, what do you love her more than me?' 'how could you go to a friend's house on Easter instead of being with your family?') Essentially every argument or conflict is about my parents feeling slighted or offended and their children not living up to their needs; it is never one of my siblings or me voicing a complaint. Not only that, but if and when I did put up boundaries about my parents' behavior, they never apologised, never owned the horrible things they said or did, defended their actions by saying it is because 'they really love me and care,' etc.

Anyway, I went to our good friend and pastor in total sadness, weeping, explaining how it has been. It was at the way beginning of NC. She prayed with me and hugged me and seemed to understand. But years later, my parents got in touch with her complaining that I have blocked them out of their life. Instead of protecting me and remembering all the painful things I shared with her, this pastor/friend gave away information about my whereabouts and also encouraged me to speak with my parents. It was so so so violating.

Right now I am at a stage where I am burnt out on the constant attempts of break my boundaries. My parents are even using my teenage nephew now. What's more is that they have realised I've moved back to the States and they are trying to figure out where I live.

My husband was looking up how to get a restraining order, but it's very confusing. Does anyone have details for the USA? I would really appreciate it! Some of you have mentioned cease and desist but I don't think we have that in the USA?

Again thanks everyone so much! Any resources or advice or perspective is helpful. This is my first time posting and my first time looking for community around NC as it has been SUPER hard. As a Christian, I find it REALLY hard because people at church are always talking about reconciliation. But it's like: would you tell a victim of domestic violence to return to her abusive spouse? No.

[poetandpunk]

Also, JoJo, I could have written this myself from your post:

'So. Yes. Like your parents, my dad also laughs in the face of boundaries. The world and everyone in it belongs to him! Especially his children! In a fit of pique he told me I'd never hear from him again. Well... That lasted a couple of blissful weeks and then the endless (endless endless endless) contacts began. I've blocked him everywhere and still he emails (goes to spam), tries to text (blocked but I can still see the attempt), tries to call (blocked but still goes to voice mail), leaves VMs. The messages cycle through the gamut of manipulations -- being SUUUUUUPER nice and acting like nothing is wrong, being super sad and pathetic, being angry. He also does these wonderful veiled threats, alluding to how he's watching my life somehow from afar, etc. I have ignored every attempt so far, reminding myself that if I respond, I am teaching him that attempt #178 is the correct number he needs for a reaction.'

My parents are so similar it's amazing!!

[BettyGray]

Sadly, yes.

Five years in for me and they still haven't gotten the message to just
LEAVE
ME
ALONE

My sister went so far as to have a complete stranger enter my place of business and drop off a Christmas card. She lives 800 miles away but occasionally works in my area.

Old family friend  I hadn't seen in 30 years. Emailed to guilt me.

Aunts, Cousins, nephew flying monkeys

N mom Wrote my mother in law nasty letters.

uBPD sister (the one that occasionally works in the area just  SHOWED UP at my FIL's house. This was a couple of years ago. He refused to give her my new contact info and told her to leave.

Same sister DM'd my sister in law on Facebook to try to guilt her into guilting me. More than once.  SIL is a very nice, but easily manipulated and gullible person.  People pleaser.

They've stepped over the line so many times. Your FOO sounds like a complete nightmare too. I am so sorry you're going through this. It's so beyond disrespectful. Pathetic really. Their need to control you is pathological.

Just keep living your life for you and keepi moving forward, NEVER back.

You got this.

[JoJo]

Hi poetandpunk: Yes! Isn't it amazing how similar all these PD parents are? Like, be an original already! Ugh.

From my understanding, anyone can send a "cease and desist" letter but it's even better coming from a lawyer. It's not legally binding, per se, like a restraining order, but it's sort of a scary formal notice that you mean business and they need to leave you alone. You might google a few samples; I've been doing that lately. They usually say something like, "Your continued harassment has resulted in emotional distress and this letter serves as formal notice that you are to cease and desist all attempts at contact," plus a little something along the lines of, and "if you don't we will pursue remedies to the fullest extent allowable by law" and so on.

I'm with Liz1018: Why can't they just LEAVE US ALONE?!?!?

[TwentyTwenty]

Jojo is correct, in the US (I'm in FL) a cease and desist order can be sent by anyone and have legal merit, but it has more standing and consequence coming from a lawyer that will assist with a full restraining order if the cease and desist is violated. I'd recommend looking for a family lawyer in your area to assist.

[blues_cruise]

Yeah, I relate to this sadly. I get that they have a hard time letting go but the way they go about trying to force contact can be so toxic, which stands to reason given how they treated us when we were in contact. When I went no contact rather than discreetly writing to me and asking for clarification uNF set to action complaining about it to my siblings and trying to get information from my mother in law, the latter of which was just really weird. Even weirder was my stepmother then trying to message my mother in law just a few months ago, trying to be all friendly and pally even though they haven't spoken for years and barely know each other. They're just so obvious about it and I don't know what they hope to achieve other than violating boundaries and creating drama by involving other people. Regardless of whether uNF understands my reasons or not, it is clear to him that I don't want a relationship with him right now. If I wanted to get in contact then I would have done so. uNF is mostly the ignoring type but if he's triggered by something he will make these random attempts out of the blue to force a response from me, so I think the dysfunctional attempts at contact and trying to involve other people is the sadist/antisocial aspect of his personality disorder working to gain some lost supply for him. Sometimes the more innocent looking, 'pleasant' gestures (hoovers) can get to me but I try to remind myself that these are likely more mind games and that he has given me very little reason in the past to trust his sincerity. No contact is all about protecting your peace of mind and allowing yourself the space to heal, grow and get on with your life without toxic influences constantly sabotaging it. It sounds like the way your parents are trying to violate your boundaries now is very much a reflection of the dysfunction they would have put you through when you were still in contact with them.

Anyway, I went to our good friend and pastor in total sadness, weeping, explaining how it has been. It was at the way beginning of NC. She prayed with me and hugged me and seemed to understand. But years later, my parents got in touch with her complaining that I have blocked them out of their life. Instead of protecting me and remembering all the painful things I shared with her, this pastor/friend gave away information about my whereabouts and also encouraged me to speak with my parents. It was so so so violating.

I'm so sorry that happened to you, it was a major breach of trust on your pastor's part. From an outside perspective it seems that the major tool your parents are resorting to is manipulating the people around you, so I'd look at the boundaries you have in place with your friends and other family members and work out who you can really trust in that respect. Now that your pastor has revealed that she's incapable of fully empathising with your need to be no contact you know that she's not a safe person to share your feelings with anymore. I've had to hold my phone number back from my own brother and only speak online once or twice a year (just birthdays really), which feels horrible but he is so enmeshed and easy to manipulate that I don't trust him not to give my phone number to our father. Brother has also said that he wants to remain 'neutral' so there you go, I've removed that dilemma and awkwardness for him.  It might help to have some emotional boundaries with anyone that you mutually have in common with your parents as there will always be a conflict of emotional interest with the other person if you confide in anyone that you know mutually.

[Call Me Cordelia]

Every state has different laws around restraining orders. Generally, cease and desist is not a legal document but having sent such a letter and documented it is an important step in laying the groundwork in proving the necessity of a restraining order to the court. If a cease and desist has provably been violated, it's generally an open and shut case.

[SunnyMeadow]

My uNPD mother does this to my sibling. She's mailed dozens of lengthy letters, certified mail, emailed, left voicemails, flying monkey'd this sibling over the course of decades. My sibling very smartly continues to stay NC.

You know what I wonder? After all this stalking, internet detective work, pestering, poor me'ing, what about ME, you've hurt me soooo much - WHAT KIND OF RELATIONSHIP DOES SHE THINK SHE'S GOING TO HAVE NOW??

Magically after all this turmoil, uNPDmom and her child are going to have a good relationship now that mother finally "got through" and sibling came to their senses?

  I mean, really?

[poetandpunk]

Everyone! This is all super helpful. I'm going to mail a Cease and Desist order soon.

It's amazing how much you seem to relate precisely to my situation. I mean, my parents are relentless and yet I don't understand what kind of relationship they think they can have, as some of you have said yourselves. It's amazing how much they want control. It's utterly and completely bizarre.

But what truly truly truly blows me away is how I know, even though I haven't spoken to them in seven years, I know completely and utterly that it NEVER ONCE has occurred to them to consider WHY one of their children would go NC, the possibility that they could have done something wrong to warrant such a strong response. They are incapable of reflection and they are incapable of considering they could do anything wrong. They are the eternal victims, martyrs, perpetually 'hurt' and 'unappreciated.' They are the ones that 'love me' and just want to be 'close.' What a joke.

Love doesn't look like this. Love doesn't look like tracking me down at my place of work and leaving messages for my boss at my new job like a twisted stalker. Love doesn't look like seeking out my pastors in order to get information on me and guilt them in to getting involved. Love doesn't look like my older sister showing up at my London flat, uninvited, banging on the door with her children, demanding to be let in, while I hid in the kitchen. Love does not look like trying to get my siblings involved. Love does not look like telling me in emails that I have been brainwashed because I am not strong enough to think on my own and come to my own conclusions.

By the way, it's interesting to hear about how your siblings have taken NC and what role they play in your families.

When I went NC, my siblings immediately became horrible flying monkeys. The saddest part is one of my sisters used to be my closest friend. But even though she knows my parents are mental, and has started taking drugs to cope with the stress, she thinks I am being a terrible person by not 'keeping the peace' and 'showing my parents respect as my parents.' My brother knows all about NPD but he thinks he knows how 'to handle' my parents, but he doesn't. He is completely and utterly enmeshed with them. He is 38 years old and they treat him like he is 12, and he lets them, he lets them comment on every aspect of his life, involve themselves, criticize him for his choices, etc. I am not on speaking terms with any of my siblings, except maybe twice a year I hear from my brother (usually when he wants something) and I heard from him recently. Guess what it was? FLYING MONKEY messages. He told me my parents are getting old and weak and they just 'really miss me' and want the family together again. A LOAD OF BULLSHIT! I am sorry if it sounds brutal, but my parents like to make their health everyone else's problem but do NOTHING to look after themselves except for an occasional short-lived diet. They don't exercise, they don't try to eat healthy, but they want everyone's sympathy for sure. ALSO, I don't believe for one second that they are getting old and weak. They aren't too weak to get their pastor to email-stalk me. They aren't too weak to Google my husband and I and try to track us down across social media constantly. They aren't too weak to very recently getting my teenaged nephew to message me on Twitter about my NC and try to get me to respond. I don't buy it one bit.

Anyway, thank you for being a safe space to vent, to feel normal, and to feel validated. It sounds like a LOT of you can relate.

Thankfully I have found a few Instagram accounts lately about going NC in the church. Thankfully there are some people that GET IT and understand you don't have to be in a relationship with your abusive family and it isn't 'honoring' your parents to enable abuse. And you can forgive someone and not want a relationship with them.

Sending love to all my other NC friends - it's NOT easy but well done for having boundaries.