taking the apple from the tree

[Concerned One]

Often I have wanted something. Say an apple from a tree. And it's really very simple. Just a matter of reaching out and taking the apple from the tree.

But for some reason I don't do this. I hope that the apple will want me bad enough and just fall off the tree and roll to me. It doesn't of course. It just goes bad and withers away.

This has been the case with careers and relationships.

Can anyone relate? What's this all about?

[Concerned One]

Answering my own question.

I believe it's called procrastination:

https://youtu.be/AzRfPWJJHd4

[Hepatica]

Could there also be another layer that includes shame and worthiness? I've been thinking and reading a lot in the past month about generational trauma, or ancestral trauma and how it wills its way into our psyches. My mother for instance came from Ireland and she grew up in poverty and violence. When she got to North America she was broken, in a cycle of generational trauma that went so far back she had no idea. She was shut down completely and still is. She said to me many times when I had trouble with something, like math for instance, that I was like her. I was not smart. But she is smart. She just never got to see that. And I took that on and believed it about myself.

I remain in this state of semi-paralysis, not reaching out for the apple, due to all these invisible beliefs and fears inside of me that I can't even name, but from which I do believe come from her trauma. She too has no words for them. We just believe we can't do things.

I am really beginning to understand that much of what we deal with here is unresolved trauma in our families, really dysfunctional survival mechanisms that might have worked to keep people alive generations ago, but do not serve us at all. People look at us and say, why doesn't she just take the apple? It seems so obvious, but if you are looking at the apple and not able to reach for it, I bet there is old woundings there that need to be brought to light, dusted off, offered lots of love and compassion and laid to rest.

I am beginning to believe that this is how we heal ourselves and our ancestry. We need to fake it and believe that we can do things that we never believed were possible.

[Concerned One]

Could there also be another layer that includes shame and worthiness? I've been thinking and reading a lot in the past month about generational trauma, or ancestral trauma and how it wills its way into our psyches. My mother for instance came from Ireland and she grew up in poverty and violence. When she got to North America she was broken, in a cycle of generational trauma that went so far back she had no idea. She was shut down completely and still is. She said to me many times when I had trouble with something, like math for instance, that I was like her. I was not smart. But she is smart. She just never got to see that. And I took that on and believed it about myself.

I remain in this state of semi-paralysis, not reaching out for the apple, due to all these invisible beliefs and fears inside of me that I can't even name, but from which I do believe come from her trauma. She too has no words for them. We just believe we can't do things.

I am really beginning to understand that much of what we deal with here is unresolved trauma in our families, really dysfunctional survival mechanisms that might have worked to keep people alive generations ago, but do not serve us at all. People look at us and say, why doesn't she just take the apple? It seems so obvious, but if you are looking at the apple and not able to reach for it, I bet there is old woundings there that need to be brought to light, dusted off, offered lots of love and compassion and laid to rest.

I am beginning to believe that this is how we heal ourselves and our ancestry. We need to fake it and believe that we can do things that we never believed were possible.

Absolutely Hepatica.

I'm reaching for that Apple now. A little voice is screaming at me to leave it alone or telling me I'll fall or that the apple'll taste no good but still I'm reaching.

Can't wait to take a bite of that delicious, succulent apple. 

[Jolie40]

re careers....take a bite out of that apple

don't do what I did
accepted for an Internship within the first few years of marriage
out of state but the time would have flown by

one parent kept saying "you can't go & leave your husband"

why did I let parent dictate my life after marriage
husband was encouraging but doubt crept in & I turned internship down


don't let doubt in as I did
go for your dreams

[Boat Babe]

Perhaps we can ask our friends to help us reach for the apple.

Perhaps we can reach for little apples first, getting into the habit.

One day, we will go up to the tree, give it a good shake, and the apples will fall to the ground around us.

I prefer pears myself!