New - Struggling about identifying my needs and desires

[soccy]

Hi, I am new here. I have done a lot of inner work but am still struggling with feelings of being invalid. I was the invisible child and also a scapegoat in a family with 2 narcissistic parents and am the oldest of 5. Because I spoke up at least some of the time, I received lots of invalidation. I also was not allowed needs and desires of my own. I have been working on creating a new life for myself, but struggle with these 2 issues: invalidation and also a fear of having needs and desires. I would love some insight about strategies that could help. Thanks.

[treesgrowslowly]

Hello and welcome.

Your first post is going to speak to many of us who have been working on ourselves for a long time as well.

Narcissistic parenting left its mark on me and this forum has helped me to see we are definitely not alone in our work.

Trees

[Jolie40]

welcome to the forum soccy

[guitarman]

Welcome. You are not alone.

The counsellor and author Kris Godinez often talks about these issues on her YouTube channel called "We Need To Talk with Kris Godinez". She specialises in Narcissistic Abuse Syndrome and how targets of abuse can cope better.

I have posted about YouTube channels about narcissism in the "Other Media Resources" section of the forum.

It can feel disconcerting to be told that you don't feel the way you do. You may have been too scared to express your own feelings, fearing the consequences if you ever did. People may have told you that you don't feel a certain way or they may have even told you how you feel as they think they know you. What they were doing was projecting their own feelings onto you.

It's OK to talk more about your feelings and emotions. I know it's not easy to do if you've not been used to doing so. You have a right to calmly express them.