New member - Cptsd Spouse

[jennm22]

Hello to all! I'm very excited and a little bit nervous to be here. Although I know I need help/support, I haven't historically been someone who searches online for such things. However, being a safe enough other spouse for someone with Cptsd isn't quite rational to most of my family members and friends. I've learned over time to hide some of these pieces of our marriage and it makes the irrational moments all the more difficult when you're isolated (I have however been in therapy for over 5 years).
My spouse and I have been together well over a decade, married just under a decade. She experienced severe childhood trauma and has been told by her prior therapist she has complex PTSD (Cptsd). Historically she's been very involved in her own journey of healing, and had been in therapy for over 6 years. However, for the last 9 months or so, she has not been seeing anyone (unfortunate insurance situation that turned into her being stubborn to not return to therapy).
It's been difficult since she hasn't been in therapy. But, if I'm honest, it's hard every single day and has been for years. This year was the first time I really recognized how very much of my time and energy gets sucked into helping/loving/supporting her. I suffer regularly from anxiety and depression, and there's a definite correlation between her symptomatic increases and decreases in my emotional and physical wellbeing. Only recently have I realized I can't fix things for her and I cannot possibly be responsible for resolving her struggles with Cptsd. I still struggle with this realization and whether it's true, especially when she pulls me back into her stress.
I do love my wife, and I know she loves me. In the past she has put importance on her own wellness journey to support her mental health and the health of our marriage. She is not currently in therapy and has stubbornly resisted my gentle encouragement to return (would love to hear any advice on this point).
The big takeaway here is that our love doesn't change the difficulty of living with and loving someone with Cptsd. I'm in search of others who have themselves or have spouses with Cptsd. Would love to hear from you about your personal experiences and any advice you might have for me. Thank you!

[D.]

How great that you reached out here!  I am very new here as well.  A lot of people who've been abused by PD people develop C-PTSD...I consider myself pretty much healed from C-PTSD, w/sporadic symptoms myself that I've learned to manage.  I also like the term relational trauma survivor because it places the responsibility appropriately w/the abuser(s).   I have received a lot of support from Out of the Storm, a similar forum specifically focused on C-PTSD.  I think that might be a great resources for you.  As for therapy, it can be very difficult for someone w/C-PTSD to find a therapist in part due to the challenges of developing trust and attachment to a new person.  I actually had a similar experience recently.  So perhaps the issue for her is being stubborn, but maybe try to help her get to the root of the resistance?  And then, maybe steps towards finding someone new that could work?  Validate the challenge to having to develop trust and attachment w/a new person?  Anyway, there are a couple of ideas.  How sweet the love and concern that you show for your spouse.  I'm sure that helps a lot.  I'm sorry that you don't have a bit more support from family members and friends, but I think I understand.  It can be important to get that support from others who understand the topic better.  But perhaps one day some people in your circle of support could learn about it themselves if they'd like.  That's all I can think of right now, best to you on this journey of support and healing.

[Spring Butterfly]

Adding my welcome and definitely second the recommendation for Out of the Storm as far as resources for someone healing from CPTSD.

There is some good information in the toolbox on CPTSD since many of those here as mentioned do suffer from CPTSD as a result and consequence of long-term or childhood trauma from someone with a personality disorder.

Please note though that CPTSD is not a personality disorder. Here's a summary of personality disorders:
https://www.outofthefog.website/overview/

So as far as support for you as someone wishing to support someone with CPTSD maybe these resources will be insightful from that perspective. You may also find the toolbox resources helpful in your own journey and maintaining good boundaries. There's a topic in the toolbox on boundaries and also my stuff your stuff and self-care. There's a concept called 'holding space" for others that might help you as well.

If the trauma she had in childhood is related at all to an emotionally toxic or mentally or physically abusive situation reading here can help you understand what she's dealing with.

Wishing you peace and healing.

[guitarman]

Welcome. You are not alone.

Your partner may like to contact the CPTSD Foundation as well for support.

https://cptsdfoundation.org/