Depressed over housing

[Bunnyme]

I apologize in advance for whining.  I know I should be happy to have any roof over my head...but I went to look at basement apartments today, and it was really depressing.  My in laws own our 4br house, so i know I need to get out.  Theres all of the regular things that suck...having to do neighbors again, kids having to share a room, lack of space.  There is also that we have 2 cats and 2 dogs (all mine before marriage), and I cant possibly rent and keep them (or maybe just one).  With what I will pay in rent, I could BUY a 3br townhouse and be able to keep the pets.  But, I have the pension...he doesnt.  I have a [good] job, he doesnt.  I will likely have to pay him support and give up part of my pension.  I cant afford the rent and daycare on my own, but he is refusing to pay his part.  Now that he is jobless, I wont really get anything anyway.  I cant buy, because he could go after that in a divorce, too.  I know I should look forward to being out from under his family and further from him, but it is all just so depressing.

[Rose1]

Look to your goal. Also as you are finding out they generally will not honor responsibility or commitments. Exbpdh went to a lot of trouble to hide income so he wouldn't pay  child support and what little mandated amount he paid (10.00 per fortnight) was always late. Anything he could use to get to me, he would. His kids welfare didn't count since he "provided a house for them but I refused to live there). For 3 years that house was  a bedroom at his parents place.

So, i learned the following - become financially independent ASAP.
-do not depend on anything from him, be it child suppirt, time with the kids because it will be used against you
-keep your finances totally separate as early as possible
‐the smell of money will have them running back.

Check re having salary imputed to him if he's able to work but won't  or is working below his ability (ie janitor with  law degree) and make sure child support from him is taken into consideration with your pension and salary.

If you've got the kids and you can, agree to a lump sum settlement against the value of your assets rather than spend the next 10 years trying to get a payment out of him.

So my suggestion is suck it up for temporary rent, save in your own bank account if possible to do that without a claim from him. Look for a house when he can no longer go after you  (check on this because separation may be ok, probably depends on the area). Waiting might be good. House choices and prices may become more favourable during a recession.
Find a way to have a peaceful life
Don't tell him anything about your finances that don't relate to the divorce. 

[Liftedfog]

I hear your frustration and I'm in the same boat. Still sleeping on a couch at my parents house and it's been 7 years.   Housing crisis is cripling me from buying a home for my children and I.  That and how divorce lawyers took more than half the equity of our marital home.    Stay strong and focused and practice self care.  The best revenge is taking care of yourself.  Look to settling and beware lawyers will push it to trial where they can make most money for you. 

[Bunnyme]

He is going further and further into insanity.  He is coming after me with a vengeance, but tonight I asked him to sign the addendum that any real property bought between now and the final decree is not marital property and the other spouse has no claim to it.  I expected him to push back, but I said I would have to go to court to get this settled.  He got IRATE and said that the agreement we have and this one will NEVER see the inside of the courtroom.  He does not want it anywhere in the public record that he has an addiction, so he will sign.
  I hope that helps me later, but also makes me fearful.for my safety should I ever take it to court. 

[GettingOOTF]

My attorney warned me that I needed to make sure that my ex had everything he signed looked at by his own attorney.

She said there is always a chance people like this go back to court years later to get divorce agreements overturned. That if a judge decided that my ex hadn’t had sufficient opportunity to review the agreement, had been pressured in to signing, hadn’t had the opportunity to have it looked over by independent counsel or he wasn’t in a fit state to fully understand what he was signing then the original agreement could be overturned and the original assets PLUS everything I earned and built after the original divorce would all be up for grabs as all my assets would be seen things I was able to accumulate as a result of the “unfair” original settlement.

I thought this was crazy then I found out it happened to a friend’s sister who divorced an addict who gambled. She ended up having to pay off a ton of his debt.

It’s always a worry in the back of my mind as I have had a lot of success since my divorce and my ex has stayed where he was in terms of his finances and various issues.

[Bunnyme]

GettingOOF, thank you.  This is a fear of mine as well.  He signed the initial agreement before he left rehab.  Still he was going on and on at the time about us working it out and not getting attorneys involved.  At one point, he made an attorney reference, and I sent a message to the effect of why is he talking about attorneys when he has been going on and on about not wanting them.  (This was before unheard of gray rock.)  I was worried it would come back on me later, so I specifically had my attorney send a copy to his before he signed it.  He refused to speak to her, I think, even though I specifically asked him to. 

[neymarjr26]

"You're completely right. I do have a life and he can either be apart of
it or not. It's just hard without help sometimes with everything on me. I
planned family photos next month and he is already feeling guilty
taking them without SD but there is no way in hell I am canceling.
Yikes, I haven't even thought about holidays yet. We have a lot of
family traditions with our kids that will be hard on him but I can't
have him ruining our lives with his grief."