Somatic complaints

[11JB68]

Sorry I know this is a repeat theme for me.
Updh does have legit health issues. But it's SO hard to tell if he's just 'crying wolf'
Also much of it is self imposed on that he gets worked up over some OCPD issue and gives himself what are probably anxiety attacks.
Last night he got worked up about the wrong brand of a tube of ointment. Lecturing etc. (I cannot buy what the store did not have in stock)
Then thinks he's having a heart attack ("take my blood pressure"). Bp is fine. ("But isn't that TOO LOW?) Nope, it's fine. ("Well Google this symptom") ok.... Probably gas. Or could be celiac.... Well he recovered pretty quickly after that because God forbid he might have to give up bread and pasta...
(Unfortunately there was also something online about abdominal aortic aneurysm.... But I hesitate to even mention that to him...)

[Call Me Cordelia]

Abdominal aortic aneurysm? Hmm, well if you're still here in ten minutes we know it isn't that. 

If he thinks it's serious, he can call his doctor.

[guitarman]

Your partner sounds like my uBPD/NPD sister. She always seems to have some sort of life threatening ailment. She has had support from world leading hospitals but of course she feels that they have misdiagnosed her and are incompetent and can't find out what is really wrong. They can't find out what is wrong because there is nothing seriously physically wrong.

I have learnt that the best way to talk is by calmly validating their feelings rather than criticising or saying they are mistaken. What they are feeling to them is very real. I know how frustrating and tiresome it can be to be around someone who is constantly complaining about their ill health issues. Stay calm and seek professional help.

There is also the fear that they maybe right all along and have a serious life threatening illness. People maybe feeling fearful, scared and threatened. Their bodies can react to stress, anxiety and depression in many ways, often with pain. I have learned that people may feel pain more severely if they are depressed. If someone is in pain or distressed it needs to be taken seriously and properly investigated. For example, I calmly now call the emergency services when my sister says that she can't breathe. It's the kind and caring thing to do, that anyone else would do. She now knows that I will follow through and calmly call for professional help.

People living with a PD may find it difficult to self soothe quickly. They can find it takes a long time to calm down after a crisis or triggering event. People around them may not understand. They can exacerbate the situation and then it becomes a vicious circle of everyone raising their voices and becoming more and more upset and annoyed with each other. That only feeds their anxiety even more. When people are fearful they can become anxious. That is when adrenaline is released in the body and the automatic fight, flight, freeze, faint or fawn response takes over. Stay calm. Observe, don't absorb.

There are breathing and body scanning techniques to learn in order to return to a relaxed state. I have learnt to relax by practising Mindfulness guided meditations. I follow the Mindfulness teacher Tara Brach. Her website is www.tarabrach.com There are also many Mindfulness meditations on YouTube to follow as well.

[Jolie40]

But it's SO hard to tell if he's just 'crying wolf'

PD parent also had medical problems that required medicine
however, if they felt they weren't getting enough attention, that problem acted up or something new & they had to go to Dr, be too sick to go anywhere, or needed help

whenever it was my child's b'day, somehow they were sick again....they missed 1/2 child's b'days but never missed any of other grandkid's b'days

so weird they'd say "not feeling well" when my kid had a b'day

other times they'd  say they had another disease
if I inquired couple wks  later how that "disease" was affecting them I got "oh, I don't have that"
they totally forgot they told me since a lot of medical issues were made up for sympathy

a couple of my siblings were always saying "oh, you poor thing" and doled out the required attention
so it always worked...they got the attention they wanted

[tommom]

joilie is right. If you give them attention, you can put "the fire" out. My PDh does the same thing. Normally if it is just a "normal" bout, I can pet him and he will get okay. (Although I realize what I am saying; I have been married to him for forty plus years.) He was very ill a few years ago and it really knocked me for a loop. I had to manage it all, medications, calming his fears (justified and sometimes not) deal with the doctors and nurses, drive him to treatment almost daily, take care of he house, etc. It was all on me, which is the way it is normally, of course.  (Not that I question that the medicos expected it; he did need someone to take care of him, but he was over the top and his illness was such that he had to have limited contact with anyone - he had a very reduced immune system. I was a solo act. )

They can get so intensely into the fears that it can hurt YOU, though.

My h demanded that I not call the EMTs but instead help him up from the floor myself (he is 6 foot 4 and usually weighs about 260) when he fell one morning in the wee hours. He was almost hysterical. I didn't refuse and so I injured my back very, very badly. The whole servitude/nurse/mother thing was so massive a thing, my T seriously suggested I needed help to recover from the stress of it after it was over. (And I did!) 

Please be careful, 11JB68. Take care of yourself.