Another extinction burst?

[Stillirise]

Last weekend, I blocked the stbxUPDh from calls/texts after a particularly nasty rant by him.  Our only communication right now is via email.  He seems to lack understanding of basic civility, and can't stop himself from name-calling, gaslighting, and trying to re-hash the past.  He had been behaving in a less reactive manner, until recently.  He now says that his reactions are because I was "b****y" at the last custody exchange.  I was not chatty, nor inclined to hang around a second longer than necessary, but in no way was I acting out of line or uncivil. 

I feel like we are running out of things to settle on, so he is ramping up his crazy-making machine.  He now sending a series of emails ranting about being blocked, with some crazy accusations, and some really old news thrown in, for good measure.

I am not responding unless it is something directly related to moving our process forward.  Does this sound like another extinction burst? I almost hope so, because maybe it means he's about to get tired of the games.  Did anyone else experience this during their long slog to settle? Am I getting my hopes up that maybe he's about to come to terms with what is happening? It's mentally exhausting, just reading and processing it all.  I truly wonder now how I managed to survive so long with that kind of behavior regularly occurring in my home.

Thanks for reading, and allowing me a place to unload some of this crap!

[hhaw]

Stillrise:

IME PDs in divorce are relentless and pathologically unable to agree or settle anything.

You're describing divorce with a PD, ime.  Not any extinction burst, imo.

Don't get your hopes up.  Stay the course you're on.  This too shall pass.

hhaw

[GettingOOTF]

My ex really ramped the more he realized that the divorce was really going ahead and he was losing control of me.

This is when they get dangerous. Never underestimate how far a desperate person is prepared to go.

[Stillirise]

Thanks you two, for helping me stay focused and grounded.  I am definitely still watching out for my personal safety, and following the protocols I have in place. 

I would like to add, for anyone not yet to this point, I believe wholeheartedly that if I hadn't started this process, things would be even worse for me right now.  As bad as it seems some days, when I look back, I realize just how far Out of the FOG I've come, and how pathologic our home situation was.  Some of these extreme and frustrating behaviors seemed typical before.

Once the mask is off, and the fog lifts, it's like I just want to put this ugliness behind me right now.  My rational mind realizes I need patience more than ever, but some days, it's more difficult than others!

[hhaw]

Stillrise:


You're right.  Patience gets harder to find, but I can tell you this.....losing patience, attempting to negotiate shortcuts with the pd.....engaging in contact with the pd can and did extend the time, expense and trauma in my divorce.

I should have leaned into a trial from the start and refused to move or cancel ANY court date without a signed and stamped agreement.......do not fear trial.  Do not expect a speedy end to this.  Please resist hoping the pd can be reasonable.  IME all reasonable pd noises asked ME to do something in return for sane behavior from the pd he never delivered.  Everything he asked me to do weakened my position, and expanded my nightmare.

Stay the course.  Mine joy where you stand.  Look your kids in the eye and BE present with them now.  Plan new holiday traditions, play happy music and dance in the house.  I hope your children join.

hhaw