Exhausted

[AppleDo]

After a tumultuous 10 years with my partner, we recently realized that he has Borderline Personality Disorder. It's been an incredibly tough year - we moved across the world to a rural community in Northern Canada, I'm a physician working through the chaos that has been 2020 and I'm just exhausted. He's punched out two closet doors this week, and was obviously in distress today but no matter what I did to try help it spiraled out of control. I'm so tired of it all. He's got his first session tomorrow with a new therapist and will hopefully start DBT, but I'm not sure how much longer I can carry on living like this. Some days it just feels like it's way too much, and just not worth it. I'm just feeling so despondent tonight.

[notrightinthehead]

Welcome! I am sorry you had to find  us and glad you did. Your first stop should be the toolbox tab, read through and start applying! The tools are very suitable to protect yourself better and to calm your home life down. There is an excellent book by Fijelstad "Stop caretaking the borderline/narcissist." It helped me a lot. Keep reading and posting on this forum. See you around on the boards!

[guitarman]

Welcome. You are not alone.

I am sorry to learn about what you are going through. No wonder that you are feeling so exhausted.

I know of carers support groups in mental health hospitals where the rest of the family has also learnt about DBT in order to help and support their loved one and also each other. You may like to look at videos on YouTube by Marsha Linehan, the developer of DBT, to help explain the concept further.

It can be so frightening to be around someone who rages. It can be terrifying. I know about that. I care but can't cope. Another term for BPD is Emotionally Unstable PD (EUPD) which better explains BPD.

I hope that your husband gets the right support that he needs. It is encouraging to know that he is seeing a therapist. I hope that you can find support for yourself as well apart from this forum. I know it can be difficult at this time when support groups are not meeting in person because of the pandemic.

One of the many activities I do to help myself cope better is by regularly practising Mindfulness guided meditations. I follow the Mindfulness teacher Tara Brach. Her website is www.tarabrach.com she is also on YouTube and Facebook. I was referred to a Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR) course by my doctor as I wasn't coping well. I'm so glad that I did it and continue the practise many years later. Self care is so important.

Here is a link to an article called "MBSR: 25 Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction Exercises and Courses" https://positivepsychology.com/mindfulness-based-stress-reduction-mbsr/

I post regularly on the "Other Media Resources" section of the forum. There is lots of information to check out there.

Observe, don't absorb.

Keep calm. Keep strong. Keep posting.

[GettingOOTF]

Welcome. I'm sorry for what you are going through. I was married to a man diagnosed with BPD.

There is a lot of support and wisdom on these board.

[AppleDo]

Thank you all so much! I appreciate all the links and advice. I have bought quite a few books, but I'm going to look for more resources always

I'm making a solid effort to take care of myself too.. I want to help him so much, but I recognize I can't do it all.