Going back to rehab

[Bunnyme]

Ugh.  So, now he is going back to rehab...well, he claims it has nothing to do with drugs.  He wants to go for inpatient physical therapy for a month...in the pain management clinic at the drug rehab center...but just for physical therapy. 
If it hasn't been lie after lie after lie, I may be more sympathetic.  My fear is that he is setting himself up f0r disability so that I have to take care of him.  He had a workmans comp claim a few years ago.  At that time, he wasnt found to be more than 50% disabled.  He made an off-handed comment about how he'd make sure he was more than 50% within the 3 year window so they'd have to pay him forever. 
Now I need to figure out if I can somehow force a drug test.  I've also been unable to get in touch with my attorney, but finally have an appointment tomorrow.  Still trying to switch.  I cant take any more of this!  I am also losing out on house bidding war after bidding war.  Still living in my inlaws house.  This is all too much

[Bunnyme]

I just saw him.  He still denies any drug use.  Got the whole "you believe what you want to believe" routine.   So, he is going to be gone for the next 6 weeks at least...until just before Christmas.  No explanation to the kids.  I should be happy that he is going back to rehab, and I dont know that I would expect him to tell the truth when he is trying to fight me for custody.  I'm just angry at the whole situation.  Angry at the flying monkeys who ostracized me for being "too hard on him," when I was nothing but civil and inclusive...just would not drop supervision until he could show me a clean test.  I knew.  I actually think he is high right now...and he is with the kids, which is frightening.  His family is with them, so there's nothing I can really do.  I also let my attorney talk me into waiting a week to file until we got one thing nailed down.  Now I cant serve him with paperwork because he will he in rehab.  They can neither confirm nor deny that he is there...even though it is "just for physical therapy. " I'm scared the courts will be shut down again when he is out.  I'm scared a judge will believe he went "just for physical therapy."   I'm feeling so down.  I cant find a place to live.  Literally.   I will have to get rid of pets for a rental and those are out of my price range anyway because he is not even working.  I've put offers in on houses, but havent gotten anything.   Now there is NOTHING on the market.  Sorry.  I'm just venting as I sit in my car crying. 

[Boat Babe]

Dear Bunnyme. That is all so shit. What a nightmare. I am sending you all the love in the world right now. Hang on in there, it's often darkest just before the dawn. Stay strong.❤️❤️❤️

[Poison Ivy]

I'm sorry you have so much to deal with!

[Medowynd]

Look for private landlords.  They are usually more accommodating about pets.  Is there any guarantee that your soon to be ex will actually remain in rehab for six weeks?  If not, would you know where he was located to serve him?

[Bunnyme]

No.  I havent known where he has been living.  He gave me an apartment complex, but no more details.  I actually had a PI try to track him down,but no luck

[D.Dan]

Check out the rules where you live on serving someone who you're unable to serve because they're hiding.

My stbx is also hiding where he's residing but I have options to serve him.

1) Serve him personally or his lawyer
2) serve him by proxy (workplace, relatives homes, friends, anywhere he visits regularly) (Yes I can serve his parents home if I know he's in regular contact with them!)

Where I live, I have to exhaust all other options before going to number 3,

3) newspaper advertisement or public notice that everyone in the city can see for a minimum of 2 weeks (l needed court permission for this)

Then court proceeds as if he's been served.

I recommend finding out this information for where you live (should be able to ask your lawyer about it too) instead of waiting. Court doesn't stop just because someone is hiding from getting served (which happens quite often).

[Bunnyme]

I'm still working on the housing and filing.  He just keeps piling on lie after lie after lie.  Lying about bills he said he paid before he went, then lying about paying them when I confronted him.  Still lying about why he is there. My only positive, if you can call it that, is that some of his siblings are getting fed up with him.  His parents still believe everything is my fault, but his sister actually called him a pathological liar to me. I'm still very careful what I say to her, but it is nice to know that he isnt able to fool everyone. She asked me a couple of questions, which I answered.  She then said, "Now that actually makes sense.  I feel like the stories he tells me never add up or make sense.  And you know, he tells us pretty much the opposite of what you have said."   I mostly let her talk.  She would ask me stuff, and I'd mostly say that it was "not my experience" and be vague.   

[Medowynd]

You are very wise to give his sister vague answers.  There is nothing to come back on you, because there was nothing said.  It looks like your ex is working hard to destroy all credibility with his increasingly outlandish stories and claims.

[Bunnyme]

His counselor called.  She wanted to know how involved I wanted to be in the process.  I said, "Well, according to him, there is no process.  He told me repeatedly that he is there only for physical therapy, though I dont believe that."  She was shocked.  She said, "He gave me permission to talk with you.  Obviously, he is here for substance abuse as well.  He said that he was very serious about recovery and was being completely honest.  I'm so surprised. "  I just replied, "I'm not." 

I indicated that I want him to get healthy, and that the kids deserve a sober father.  I support him in that sense, but there have just been too many lies, so I'm not doing couples therapy.  I doubt I'll hear from her again.   

[1footouttadefog]

I hope you find a place.  Real estate is hopping in some areas these days. 

The pds can really lie can they not.  My odh has recently amazed me with his lying to my face despite my knowing he can and without remorse even.