Hi, New Here

[treatedasworthless]

And feeling like I don't have a thread to hang on anymore. Just tired. I realize I'm dealing with things that no one should ever have to deal with. I know it's not normal. I really don't know how to get out of my situation. Feel trapped.

What is it about people with personality disorders that have the ability to totally make the holidays a thing to be dreaded. I will never celebrate them again or eat turkey ever once I get out. That's how messed up things are.

Sorry, overwhelmed and sometimes wishing I could just dissapear.

[xredshoesx]

welcome to the group

holidays are often the worst time when dealing with a PD/ uPD family member, spouse or friend.  when you are ready to share more about your situation, we are listening.  until then, take care of you and don't be afraid to reach out for support in your IRL community.  1-800-273-2855 (1-800-273-TALK)  can help you get connected with resources in your area.

be gentle with yourself today.  you've been dealing with a really hard thing to deal with for a long time-  you are not alone in your journey, even though it may feel like that right at the moment.

[treatedasworthless]

Thank you so much for this redshoes. Your words mean a lot.

I wouldn't even know where to start to be honest because I'm feeling very overwhelmed and diffuse. I do know I was majorly violated today which is frightening, because I'm a grown adult man. I wasn't even able to tell the person that I don't want her in my room. She just barged in. It is crazymaking. She does not belong in my space, but it isn't truly my own or safe because the house is owned by undiagnosed bpdparents. If I assert any boundaries, the psychological torment that results is way too much to bear. It is madness. Can't believe my life is being risked over people coming over. My parents don't care about my well being on any level. It is beyond sick.

Tip of the iceberg in what I'm dealing with.

welcome to the group

holidays are often the worst time when dealing with a PD/ uPD family member, spouse or friend.  when you are ready to share more about your situation, we are listening.  until then, take care of you and don't be afraid to reach out for support in your IRL community.  1-800-273-2855 (1-800-273-TALK)  can help you get connected with resources in your area.

be gentle with yourself today.  you've been dealing with a really hard thing to deal with for a long time-  you are not alone in your journey, even though it may feel like that right at the moment.

[Starboard Song]

treated,

We talk so much about self-esteem that the word has taken on a soft and smoky meaning. More directly, I want you to take a moment to measure yourself. Are you intelligent? Funny? Interest? Are you kind? Honorable? Trustworthy?

These are self-measures. Please just take a moment to value yourself independent of this currently ugliness. And it is ugly, what you are experiencing. But you are not. You do still exist independent of your current predicament. You owe it to the world to find a space for yourself to thrive. Because -- and hey, I don't even know you -- you undoubtedly have joy and love and good to give.

And then, one other observation. My wife and I are 5 years NC from her parents. I believe my MIL to be BPD, and my FIL blindly enables her to maintain his own peace. NC came when they seemed to be treating us and our interests as worthless. But I've come to see that they were simply disregarding other people's experience. That is, rather than prioritizing their interests over ours, they were completely blind to our interests, and everybody else's. That doesn't make them healthy for us to be around, but it somehow feels better to me to see that this was their problem: all them. It was not even about us, or a relationship between the households: the problem was 100% within their own heads.

I don't know enough of your story, of course. These are always hard stories. But I know you deserve a Family of Choice to give you strength. Please try to find just one or two people in real life that you can grab hold of (metaphorically, I am afraid, during the pandemic), to share and ask and confirm. We are here, too. Here you have a community of people who have experienced the crazy-making of personality disordered individuals. And we are anonymous, and there is safety in that. But you also deserve the strength of someone you know reminding you of your value, and helping you plan for a better future.

January is coming. And then February, and then longer, warmer days. I am glad you found us: we understand, and we support, and wish you so much good strength and peace as you process your experience.

Starboard

[treatedasworthless]

Thank you so much for this. I appreciate it. I am happy to have found you, all the good people here, and this board. It gives me hope to get out of this and start my life again for real this time. 

treated,

We talk so much about self-esteem that the word has taken on a soft and smoky meaning. More directly, I want you to take a moment to measure yourself. Are you intelligent? Funny? Interest? Are you kind? Honorable? Trustworthy?

These are self-measures. Please just take a moment to value yourself independent of this currently ugliness. And it is ugly, what you are experiencing. But you are not. You do still exist independent of your current predicament. You owe it to the world to find a space for yourself to thrive. Because -- and hey, I don't even know you -- you undoubtedly have joy and love and good to give.

And then, one other observation. My wife and I are 5 years NC from her parents. I believe my MIL to be BPD, and my FIL blindly enables her to maintain his own peace. NC came when they seemed to be treating us and our interests as worthless. But I've come to see that they were simply disregarding other people's experience. That is, rather than prioritizing their interests over ours, they were completely blind to our interests, and everybody else's. That doesn't make them healthy for us to be around, but it somehow feels better to me to see that this was their problem: all them. It was not even about us, or a relationship between the households: the problem was 100% within their own heads.

I don't know enough of your story, of course. These are always hard stories. But I know you deserve a Family of Choice to give you strength. Please try to find just one or two people in real life that you can grab hold of (metaphorically, I am afraid, during the pandemic), to share and ask and confirm. We are here, too. Here you have a community of people who have experienced the crazy-making of personality disordered individuals. And we are anonymous, and there is safety in that. But you also deserve the strength of someone you know reminding you of your value, and helping you plan for a better future.

January is coming. And then February, and then longer, warmer days. I am glad you found us: we understand, and we support, and wish you so much good strength and peace as you process your experience.

Starboard