Gets so aggravated over my familys behaviour?

[Dodo]

I'm wondering if anyone thinks this is normal behaviour.  I had a falling out with an old Aunt of mine 2 years ago over my Mom's will (my Mom is her sister).  Well there was a lot of stuff involved, like my Aunt giving my Mother money and helping her with monthly cash allowances when she needed it because my Mom was having such a hard time. My Aunt has never had children of her own, is elderly now and has had and has money. So her helping my Mom was nice of her but to me that was between her and my Mother and I was pissed at her for making me feel bad for it.  So when my Mom passed away there was this big hullabaloo with my Aunt thinking she should get my Mom's new car, well my Mom never had her in the will and I was the executor of the will so I decided (and my lawyer) that I should put a price on the car and she should pay for the car.  Well she kicked up such a stink (and my I add she can afford to buy her own new car) and made me feel horrible for charging her for the car (my brother needed it more) that she threw all my Mom's stuff out on her front lawn and, plus my Dad's ashes when I came to pick up the car months after my Mom's passing so my brother could keep it at his place till the will was settled.  Needless to say words were said by me and she slammed the door in my face and we haven't stop aken since.
My partner thinks she is horrible and rants and raves about it and makes me feel worse about the situation and why would I ever want to mend fences with her and on and on.  Well I feel so bad when he goes on like this I have been afraid to tell him that I emailed her a month ago and tried to make up but she ignored me and never acknowledged the email.  I am OK with this as it was upsetting but I accept us not having a relationship because we were never close anyway.  If I told my partner this he would think I was weak and stupid for attempting to mend fences.
He thinks its terrible that my son went over to her place to pick up a Christmas present for his son (my grandson) and spoke with her for 5 minutes.  He said if anyone had done this to his Mother he would never speak to them again and thinks it's all about loyalty and is steadfast in his judgement of others never falling to point out that he has never spoken to his Aunt because his Mother had a fight with her 50 years ago!!!  He also dislikes his daughter in law because she never brought his dying wife over soup or phoned or anything while she was ill and has had a very stained relationship with her because of this.  In other words forgiveness or forgetting about the past on moving forward is not in his vocabulary and I might add he is the most black and white person I have ever encountered in my life.  I feel he should just shut up about it and not stress me out or make me feel bad, but he doesn't look at it that way "Well I guess I can't have an opinion about it".  Wondering about what anyones' thoughts are about this???
I am not going to tell him I reached out to her, I have told my 2 sons and sister in law, but not him as he is so judgemental!!!

[IRedW77]

My feelings on this are pretty blunt.

He’s your partner and he is entitled to his own opinion. He can be as black and white about it as he wants, but you’re allowed to be just as black and white in your response.

You listened to his opinion out of respect, but you’ve heard it now. He in turn should have enough respect for you to shut up if you don’t want to hear it AGAIN.

It is YOUR family and at the end of the day it’s none of his business how you choose to handle them so long as you aren’t asking anything of him. Like he is under no obligation to have anything to do with your aunt, but if you or your son choose to that’s up to you and your son.

I’m sure he’s heard (or at least hope he’s heard) your opinion of how he deals with his family at some point. He’s sure not going to take your advice.

If he gives you guff you can say “do I tell you how to handle YOUR family?”

If you want to be nicer try “I’ve heard your opinion and I appreciate you sharing it, but you can handle your family your way and I’ll handle MY family my way and I do not want to hear any more about it.”

You’re right, he’s wrong, that’s some good black and white for you. And I’m all about the grey spaces in between if that gives you any more validation.

If he’s putting you in a position where you’re hiding things from him because he’ll make you feel “weak” and “stupid” if you tell that’s a big red flag to me.

He thinks he’s right so that makes it ok to be a bully. A. It’s never ok to be a bully; and B. It shows that he’s too insecure in his viewpoint to actually defend it on its own merits.

I’m sorry, I don’t do well with black and white thinking