A Peaceful Christmas

[GettingOOTF]

This is the third Christmas I have been NC with my siblings, the second with my father and the first with my extended family  I have an uncle who acted as a Flying Monkey. I went NC with him after he stirred up some drama on my birthday.

My family also used to send me cards through this online service. I put my details on their Block list just before my birthday.

This is the most peaceful Christmas I have ever had. I expected to be sad but I'm really not. Usually I compare my family to everyone else's and get upset about how things are with my family. This year there has been zero contact from any of them and I have been able to peacefully enjoy my day even though I couldn't travel and see people I usually do due to Covid.

NC had brought such a change to my life. I've found it really freeing. I am finally able to let go of the weight their expectations and false narratives about me placed on me. I finally feel free to be who I am without fear of judgment. I'm discovering so much about myself and my relationships with everyone have changed for the better. I feel calmer, more grounded, confident and hopeful for the first time in my life.

I know this is a hard time of year for many and I know many think NC is extreme or impossible for them. I felt the same way. I wanted to let you all know what it's been like for me. There has been so much healing and growth for me over this time.

[TwentyTwenty]

Happy for you!

I also have the first Christmas after 3 years NC where no e-cards, gift for my kids or anything of the sort show up.

Fantastic! Amazingly peaceful & joyful!

I think they've finally got the message!

[Amedee]

This is a NC Christmas for me, too.  I've been reducing contact with FOO for a number of years now.  I, too feel the lifting of the burden of defending against their narrative of me.  Pity it's taken me so many decades to step away from the self doubt.  It seemed so complicated and vexing.  So exhausting.  Now I increasingly see that I was stuck on trying to accomplish the impossible.  It's not my job to protect them from their choices and attitudes. 

[SeaSalt]

This is such an inspiring post. Thank you Getting Out of the FOG and bravo! Merry Christmas.

[Hepatica]

This was my first NO CONTACT Christmas!! Went NC in August and have had to figure out how to maintain it, to the point where I've padlocked the gate into my yard so my uNPD father can't walk up to my door. This has worked miracles! My stress has reduced significantly. i've also learned to give the mail to my Dh to scan and throw out and to not read it.

I had a very small Christmas with my husband and child and it was so so so nice. We binge watched old episodes of Little House on the Prairie and my husband made paella. In the past it would have been turkey and everything made by me, but my husband did all of the dinner this year. We had trifle for dessert.

There was no fighting. No malice. No spite and underhanded comments. The three of us took the dogs for a walk after opening presents and it was a beautiful windy day amongst the big trees behind our house.

I have had some guilt and I am hoping that subsides and becomes less and less. But over all, NC has been the right decision for me and I'm glad I've chosen it after years of struggling with the idea.

[Blueberry Pancakes]

What rings true to me is when you say: " I am finally able to let go of the weight their expectations and false narratives about me placed on me. I finally feel free to be who I am without fear of judgment. I'm discovering so much about myself and my relationships with everyone have changed for the better. I feel calmer, more grounded, confident and hopeful for the first time in my life."     
 
I am happy for you. I think it reflects the healing aspects you are realizing from the journey you have taken. I am so glad to hear this as I believe that is really what we are all looking for when we make decisions about the difficult relationships in our life.

I too have felt a weight lifted and freedom like I never thought possible. I used to have moments where I felt absolutely giddy, like being intoxicated with freedom I suppose. Now it is more like a calm inner peace. 
     
Merry Christmas indeed. Thank you for sharing.   

[SunnyMeadow]

Thanks to all for sharing your NC Peaceful Christmas stories! Sounds absolutely wonderful and I hope to join you someday.

Mine was mainly peaceful due to covid and traveling so that was nice. A fully NC life sounds heavenly!

[Stardust1982]

This is an inspiring post. I'll be you next Christmas when I'm finally out of the mental institution than is my FOO.
love to read inspiring NC stories

[nanotech]

I've experienced something of this - I also think that what you say about the weight of their expectations and their false narratives about us. Yes, exactly.
I had a lovely Christmas with my husband. We couldn't see our kids and grandkids and that hurt, but not seeing FOO didn't hurt one bit. 
It was almost an accident when I went NC with older UNPDsister about four years ago. It began as one of her dramatic devalue/ discard episodes, where she argue dramatically then block me from her social media until I, still in the fog, would feel it was probably all my fault and then I would make the first move ( always me!) to reconcile. Followed by sickly- sweet honeymoon period- followed by another DD. You get the picture.
Only this time, it's stayed  where she left it.
Facebook is her weapon of choice. She can actually contact me in other ways but they don't lend themselves so easily to her abuse. She's even sent the flying monkeys in. They use the false narratives. They used the pandemic. Surely , at this uncertain time, I would want to 'reach out?'  Nope, especially not when they were scared, and searching for their designated scapegoat. Not playing.
Rope has been well and truly dropped.

If anyone is feeling stressed and distraught by being in a similar pattern with a PD, just to let you know, I didn't have any idea how ill even low contact was actually making me. It's that thing about the frog being slowly cooked in warm then hot then boiling water. I got out of the pan in time, but I was woozy for a while. It wears off, then you start living life on your terms.
It's normal to feel a bit of guilt and even grief at first. I missed that side of my sis when she acted okay. I grew up with her- I missed talking about our shared experiences. At times we consoled each other (PD parents)) but she chose to become more and more like them.  It can be a sacrifice for some. It isn't socially accepted either so the PDs and flying monkeys will use that as leverage.
I told the fm that I loved my sis, but that I was only keeping healthy relationships in my life these days. She was  so stunned and confused by my response. What they want, is either guilt -ridden sorrow or continuing conflict. They thrive on either. It's the black and white thinking.  I've been scoffed at horribly by my UNPD sister by using the phrase 'detaching with love'.  This was when I tried low contact, and I had a go at explaining it! ( yes I know, silly me.) Then, when I spoke to her (gently) on boundaries, she told me she didn't 'get' boundaries. That's when I knew there was no hope!
I'm now out of that madnesss. The jumping though hoops. The conflict, the sadness.  UNPD brother too. I'm non contact with him as well.
I'm sending hugs to everyone on this thread.

[SunnyMeadow]

She's even sent the flying monkeys in. They use the false narratives. They used the pandemic. Surely , at this uncertain time, I would want to 'reach out?'  Nope, especially not when they were scared, and searching for their designated scapegoat. Not playing.
Rope has been well and truly dropped.

Good for you nano! They follow all the classic moves, don't they? Thankfully from being on this website, we know about them and can be prepared.

[GettingOOTF]

The uncertain times are exactly why I would not reach out. There is too much uncertainty how. I need my focus to be on navigating these times and keeping myself healthy and strong.

During the first lockdown I was grateful every single day that I was no longer with my BPDxH. I don’t really think about him much but I thought this every single day.

My family just love chaos and drama so I know exactly what they are doing and saying during the pandemic.

For me this has been a time of peace, growth and healing. I’m in the best shape of my life, my home now looks like it belongs in a magazine, I’ve overhauled my finances and am excelling at my job. I’ve also used the extra time to do a lot of self work. If I were still in contact with my family I’d be in a worse place  on all of those things.

It’s really sad to realize how much my family held me back in all areas of my life.

I know it’s been a really tough time for many and my heart breaks for all those suffering despite the effort they are taking to stay safe, but this last year has been exactly what I needed to get straight in a lot of things.

[BettyGray]

It's nice, isn't it?

Finally, Christmas can be fun again, not dreaded all year. Good for you! Cheers to many more like this one- and even better!!