How do you see yourself?

[aPrettyNiceGuy]

Lately I've been seeing myself as my soon to be ex wife sees me - a deeply flawed and broken, unhelpful, uncaring, aloof and selfish man who has no friends, is unworthy of affection or compassion, who owes her an enormous debt, and does not deserve to be part of her family.

Today I pictured myself as my mom sees me - a loving, generous, kind, compassionate, sympathetic, altruistic, handsome, talented, hard working and intelligent father and man, capable of anything, deserving of love, affection, and unlimited happiness. Who was, for decades stifled and consumed by a narcissistic wife.

I am beginning to see that I'm all of those things my mother sees, and at times, a flawed human being who can be selfish or unhelpful, but is capable of self reflection, contrition and compassion. Beginning a journey of undoing the hurt, changing my inner monologue to something more kind and tolerant of himself, while being less tolerant of poor treatment. 

[Free2Bme]

prettyniceguy,

Hi and welcome.

Strengths and weaknesses, we all have them.  One strength, is to be able to see our weaknesses honestly, from a curious perspective.  Then, we work on those things in order to grow.  Another strength is to be confident in our positive traits.  Both are important.  It helps me to write them down.

IMO, within the context of healthy relationships,  when I acknowledge a weakness/flaw/offense to someone, it is an opportunity to humble myself, apologize, experience forgiveness, and strengthen the bond of that relationship.  (Sadly, this does not happen with disordered people though.)

None of us has 100% perfect perception about self or others.  We can only do our best for our own sake and for those we love.  I encourage you on your journey to be honest with yourself about all of these attributes (positive/negative), this is where your peace and freedom lie, IME. 

It sounds like you are conscientious and motivated.  I hope you will find this site to be a source of learning and support.

[losingmyself]

Somewhere in between the two. Like you, I have two totally different opinions of me, one, my FOO, the other, from H. Actually, I have another, also, and that is from myself. I have a mean internal critic that knows everything, all my failures and weaknesses, and I can't quiet that voice.
I know that I have more to offer this world, but I'm trying to convince myself that I deserve it.