So That's Why He Emailed Me This Week!

LiftingFog · January 22, 2021, 02:46:06 PM

My stbx unpdH emailed me Wednesday, forwarding a vet appt. reminder for one of my cats. He wrote, "Hey, I got this email reminder and a text for kitty's appt Thursday hope all is well with you and the kitties"

I'm still so tuned into his emotional state that I could tell my the lack of punctuation at the end and the casual way he wrote it, it wasn't sincere-the part about hoping I'm well, I mean. It's both scary and sad that his subtle nuances in grammar and punctuation speak volumes to me. I know him well.

Anyway, it was obvious to me that he was attempting to look like he was "playing nice" and I assumed it was because our hearing is coming up next week.

But then a few hours ago, my lawyer emailed me with his new settlement proposal. A Ha!!!!! Too bad for him it didn't work.

Observation: I didn't respond to his email, despite feeling falsely obligated to do so out of politeness. The casual "hey" also threw me a bit - as if we were still friends. And now that I know the reason behind the fake nicety, I'm actually feeling a little down. I think deep inside me I had secretly hoped that he didn't 100% discard me and that there was some leftover "love" left. Big cup of NOPE on that one!!! He's still trying to manipulate me.

I'm so glad I didn't respond.

Boat Babe · January 22, 2021, 05:13:23 PM

Well done freetobehappy. You totally did the right thing. High five.

Be extra kind to yourself right now. I understand your feelings. There will come a time when you don't care whether your ex lives or dies, I promise you.

LiftingFog · January 22, 2021, 08:24:48 PM

Quote from: Boat Babe on January 22, 2021, 05:13:23 PM
Well done freetobehappy. You totally did the right thing. High five.

Be extra kind to yourself right now. I understand your feelings. There will come a time when you don't care whether your ex lives or dies, I promise you.

Thank you so much, Boat Babe! Baby steps.

I forgot to mention the latest settlement offer. He has apparently acknowledged that my accounting is correct (he made me a lowball offer, conveniently "forgetting" about and hoping I would also forget another $60k that I loaned him. In my other post, I said that judging by his lawyer's response, his lawyer was blindsided by those amounts and had asked for time to take my numbers back to his client.

His offer is still only half of what my lawyer and I asked for, but we're getting a little closer.

GettingOOTF · January 23, 2021, 07:24:54 AM

There is always an ulterior motive. Always. Once I saw this it made dealing with my ex much easier and I stopped falling for his manipulations. Now I see how transparent he was, but at the time it was hard to see them for what they were.

When it comes to divorce keep your eye on the prize. I figured out what I wanted most and I was laser focused on that. I didn’t let myself get distracted buy the noise. I walked away from my divorce with everything I set out to get. It took longer but not letting him wear me down paid off. At the end his belief that I would eventually do what he wanted was his undoing.

Boat Babe · January 23, 2021, 07:26:38 AM

Hang on in there. It's so worth getting the settlement you deserve and need. Of course he's being a manipulate arse over it. That's why you left in the first place!

LiftingFog · January 23, 2021, 08:05:47 AM

Quote from: GettingOOTF on January 23, 2021, 07:24:54 AM
There is always an ulterior motive. Always. Once I saw this it made dealing with my ex much easier and I stopped falling for his manipulations. Now I see how transparent he was, but at the time it was hard to see them for what they were.

When it comes to divorce keep your eye on the prize. I figured out what I wanted most and I was laser focused on that. I didn't let myself get distracted buy the noise. I walked away from my divorce with everything I set out to get. It took longer but not letting him wear me down paid off. At the end his belief that I would eventually do what he wanted was his undoing.

Very wise words! Every action narcs take is calculated, and I'm slowly seeing how true this was even in the early stages of our relationship.

I am absolutely laser focused on the end game. I know he views me as weak, mentally and emotionally unstable, and most likely desperate for this nightmare of a marriage to end legally so I can move on. The truth is that I'm not scared of reinventing myself...again, and I have been doing just that since our separation.

After not being "allowed" to work and forced (coercive control) to quit my part time gigs, I put together a resume in one day and landed my dream job the next doing something that he would absolutely hate!

I'm making $ again and every day I'm getting mentally stronger. If he wants to string things out hoping I'll cave, all the better for me.

LiftingFog · January 23, 2021, 08:06:35 AM

Quote from: Boat Babe on January 23, 2021, 07:26:38 AM
Hang on in there. It's so worth getting the settlement you deserve and need. Of course he's being a manipulate arse over it. That's why you left in the first place!

So true! Thanks for the support!

GettingOOTF · January 23, 2021, 08:35:03 AM

That is amazing news about the job. When I left I was shocked at how much time and energy I was putting in to my marriage. I have done very well professionally since I got divorced. I am now making significantly more than both our incomes combined when I was married. My job also feels less stressful as there is no areas in the rest of my life. Leaving was the best thing I have ever done for myself financially.