Stalking from FOO

[JollyJazz]

Hi All,

One thing I've noticed on this forum is how common stalking type behavior is from PD FOO, I've certainly experienced a lot of it, particularly around hunting down where I live, turning up randomly without permission, cyber stalking (or attempted cyber stalking), turning up at work unannounced, things like going through my personal belongings without permission, gathering information from friends and other family members, all that sort of intrusive, unwanted behaviour, aimed at control.

It's a horrible feeling, like you can never escape their web, can never live normally, in peace.

Does anyone else have similar experiences? And what have you found helps to keep safe and live happily when PD FOO's insist on behaving like this?

I really like the glossary post on stalking on this site: https://outofthefog.website/top-100-trait-blog/2015/11/4/stalking

Its brilliant

[Dollydrops]

Hi Jolly, yes I did in the pursuing phase.
I would find my texts had been read before I'd seen them even though my phone was in a locked cupboard, he would even mention texts I'd had before I'd seen them and id be bewildered as to how he knew I'd asked my friend to coffee etc,I had landline calls with a hang up when I answered. We worked together and he followed me round everywhere. I took it as him trying to convey his interest at first. Once we became 'a thing' he had no understanding of personal space. I'd see him when I went shopping etc and hed tell me 'you looked lovely today' when I hadnt seen him. He became more obssesive in the first year. I took obsessive interest in my day as just that. Hed make excuses to be in my area despite living 10 miles away. Hope this helps.

[JollyJazz]

Hi Dollydrops,

Yikes, sorry to hear about those stalking experiences! That all sounds horrendous... it really does come down to a total lack of boundaries, and need for control on their part, totally weird behaviour!!! Hope you are doing okay now 

[Dollydrops]

Hi Jolly,
At the time I was very vulnerable with lots of other stuff going on in my family life. I cant explain why but the air was electric around him, He wasnt very verbal but clung to my side brushing against me, staring at me and copying my body language strongly. Listening to and picking up on everything I said about myself. Within weeks it was like we were twins. I just really thought he was shy and it was his way of telling me that he was falling for me. Because of that I found myself being the one who was letting him know my own feelings, kind of like 'you're okay to approach me you dont need to hint'. I think now it was his behaviour which soon had me obsessed with him. It had me hooked so much that I couldnt think about anything else and believed that 'this is what real love feels like' and the moment he pulled back in any way I would panic.

[blunk]

I'm so sorry that you're experiencing this, it is beyond disturbing.

Even when I was still with my bpdxh, I found out that he put a keylogger on my computer to try to catch me at something...I still have no idea what. But he would mention things in conversation that I had talked to a friend about on AOL Messenger (that tells you how long ago this was LOL). Years later, after telling him that I wanted a divorce, he started truly stalking me.

On more than one occasion, I would be taking the dogs out before bed, and would see his (rather distinct) vehicle drive by my house. Then turn around and drive by the other way. When I called him out on it, he got angry, saying that he would not apologize for making sure that his family was safe. Then at one point, I was planning a weekend away, and had a petsitter to the house to have her meet the dogs. Later that evening he called and asked who had been at the house that afternoon. He was angry that I would ask a stranger to watch the dogs rather than him, but that is a whole different story.

Another time he drove to my friend's house, 45 minutes out of the way, then called to say that he saw my car in the drive way and he know I was cheating on him...mind you, this was more than 6 months after we separated.

The creepiest one, and the one that led me to remove ALL mutual acquaintances from social media, was when he showed up at my house asking about my trip to visit my aunt/cousins in Florida that I never told him about...this one was after the divorce was final. Thankfully, once I got out of the town he was living in it all stopped.