Does it ever end?

Started by beacartoonheart, February 04, 2021, 02:45:04 AM

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beacartoonheart

February 04, 2021, 02:45:04 AM
I feel like i'm drowning... my bpd mother just won't quit. It's been 5 years this month that i have been NC with her and she is still squirming into my life trying to control and guilt me, i'm really starting to wonder if her main goal is to have me kill myself so that I end up being the one that is broken and not her.   She cares dearly about what others think of her and makes the greatest effort to be flawless in front of strangers. I'm sure her butt cheeks pucker when they ask her why her only daughter wants nothing to do with her. I've had her blocked on my phone for the past 5 years, I eventually assumed she would think i had gotten a new number and also assumed she would have given up by now.... I was wrong. Turns out if you get a new phone, it is not programmed in the sim card that you blocked a number, so heads up guys and gals, new phone? Block again unless you want a night like mine....

SunnyMeadow

#1
February 04, 2021, 09:26:06 AM
Good information about how a new phone doesn't continue the blocks you had in place, didn't know that. 

My uNPD mother doesn't quit either. She truly doesn't think she's done anything wrong. (I think, maybe she's just good at acting) My sibling blocked her 15 years ago and she continues to send emails to any address she thinks belongs to sibling. She does extensive internet searches to find out any information. It's such an invasion of privacy and not to mention just plain gross to constantly do this. It's like a nutty ex-lover who won't leave you alone.

I like your "butt cheeks pucker" description. My uNPD mother made up a story about why sib went NC.  :flat: I'm sorry this happened to you.

moglow

#2
February 04, 2021, 10:28:36 AM Last Edit: February 04, 2021, 10:30:40 AM by moglow
I'm sorry - I found that out the hard way too. Blocks I had in place didnt transfer when I upgraded my phone plan. Of course mine claimed to have tried to reach me "many times" in the interim, even when I told her how far back that block had been removed (called her on her bs and that's not allowed in her world). You can imagine how productive that discussion was.

Like most of us the thought of changing your number is a pain, plus she might ultimately get that one ad well. Have you considered getting a new phone line, basic service only, and have her calls automatically forward to that one. Throw it in a drawer and leave it there. It might ne a relatively cheap easy fix to shut her out.
"She had not known the weight until she felt the freedom." ~Nathaniel Hawthorne, The Scarlet Letter
"Expectations are disappointments under construction." ~Capn Spanky, The Nook circa 2005ish

Andeza

#3
February 04, 2021, 10:47:50 AM
Their delusions that everything is fine, and if they just keep hounding us they'll get through, doesn't really change. My own uBPDm has been blocked for over a year through email and phone (I don't use social media) and yet I still get the odd email from FB that she's written something on my timeline or some such. I just delete the FB emails.

When I upgraded my phone, I got the professional transfer of data in the store lobby, and that actually carried the block over. I'm not sure it works on all carriers though.
Remember, that there are no real deadlines for life, just society's pressures.      - Anonymous
Lasting happiness is not something we find, but rather something we make for ourselves.

Hepatica

#4
February 04, 2021, 02:28:18 PM
beacartoonheart,

I think vigilance needs to be applied because these PD people are playing the long game. So we have to play it as well. It sucks. I have a lock on my front gate of my garden, to prevent my uNPD father from getting to my front door.

Don't let them take your peace of mind. I know how bad it feels when they get through. It can really break you down. I'm sorry that happened to you.

"There is a place in you where you have never been wounded, where there's
still a sureness in you, where there's a seamlessness in you, and where
there is a confidence and tranquility." John O'Donohue

beacartoonheart

#5
February 05, 2021, 03:56:22 AM
I have felt like garbage since the text and it feels like i took 5 years forward only to take 3 years back. I constantly feel like i'm on the run from my bpd mother. I've blocked her number instead of getting a new one because i know if my number is recycled she would just text the person that gets my number and will make herself a new "best friend"... i can't put an innocent stranger through that pity party. I even moved to a different city and lied to a lot of people about where i moved to, so that  my location would never get back to my bdp mother. I feel like i've done what i can but it just doesn't seem like enough. I'm not even sure what i'm feeling right now, is it guilt fear or just defeat? I truly appreciate all of your comments, it's nice to know that i can come here and vent to people who really understand what i'm going through. 

Rose1

#6
February 05, 2021, 05:34:09 AM
What gets me sometimes is that if the effort was put into behaving decently and treating family with respect, they wouldn't have the problem.  Nc isn't done lightly
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