Need help

[Gin58]

What do you do when absolutely no one will help you? Or sympathise? I feel so alone. I have no family in town, Plus they won't help me. I've reached out to other places and other people for help in the past and it was a nightmare, I was treated horribly and wasn't believed. I've been in a narcassist abusive marriage for a long time, and just can't take anymore. I've tried to handle things on my own, because when it comes down to it, people don't want to be bothered. There's been a lot of isolating, and manipulation, and gaslighting, and I've lost my confidence and feel like I'm going crazy. I genuinely think he has a problem that he should have gotten help with a long time ago, but he's very good at conning people and making them think it's me. Financially I'm not in a position to leave, and I have no where to go if I did.I just don't know what to do any more. It's trashing my health and my mental health.

[Gin58]

Forgot to mention, he's a narcassist, and most of it has been emotional abuse.

[notrightinthehead]

Welcome! I am glad you found us and sorry that you had to.  You are not alone.
Please check out the toolbox, it has been a life saver for me.  Especially the what to do and what not to do.  You might also read around the Chosen relationship board for now. You will find fellow sufferers there. See you around on the boards!

[blew]

Believe me, you are NOT alone.  I know that doesn't help much, but it is good to at least know it. I have been in the same boat, often thinking about who I could talk to.  I used to have a sister I could confide in, but we no longer talk. (for other reasons)  It can be a very lonely existence.  The rest of my family is either dead or too far distant.   If you're like many here, your PD spouse has managed to ruin other relationships you shared and you don't dare even start new ones for fear of how badly that will go.  I essentially have zero friends.  So that leaves me thinking about seeing a professional, but I know the question would be, "Why do you need to see someone?  So you can talk about ME?" It isn't worth the rage and recrimination.

And this is a real problem in the US.  When people jabber on about people having mental health problems, what they don't seem to understand is that LOTS of people would be glad to get some therapy, but either don't have the money, the insurance or the ability to engage someone without a spouse or family member freaking out.

I will say that this board can be a life saver.  It is a community of like-minded souls, so you know you can come here and unload!  We get it!

Good luck and as others have noted, use the toolbox as a starting point...

[foggydude]

You could call NAMIs toll free #. The National alliance on mental health.  They will listen and have tons of ideas and resources to point you to. They can provide a "warm" line where people are there to listen, provide empathy and help.
Of course you are in the right place too. So many here have been through this.

[1footouttadefog]

You are not alone. This website will help alot.  The toolbox helped me.  I was able to identify bad habits and strategies I was using as a coping mechanism amd correct thise things. Also I was able to identify places I needed to put up boundaries.

Being a dumping ground for my spouses bad feelings about himself and giving him a release by allowing him to get me upset and feeling bad was one of the first areas I started working on.

I no longer accept the baton being passed to me.

Things are better even though they are not great.  Way better.  I say this to give hope that even in situations that cannot be entirely improved it can often get better.

Be sure to take care of yourself and work on you.  This is the only thing you can truely be in charge if.  You cannot expect to change your spouse, bitbyou might be able to change how you allow yourself to be treated.  Start by openly valueing yourself and taking self care in all aspects of life, health, spiritual, psychological, social, intellectual, art/music, food, etc etc etc.