Publicity Authorization-WWYD?

[Call Me Cordelia]

I'm 3 years-ish NC from my kids' toxic grandparents. We've moved. I'm pretty sure they know. I've up until now declined to have my children's photos used for publicity purposes, especially not online. I feel a little crummy about that. For example, last year before COVID my kid had a leading role in a community theater production, and I declined for that child to be featured on the theater's facebook page. I don't think there was really any missing out in that instance, elementary kids not being allowed social media use in our house, but getting your picture in the paper, getting recognition in the community, etc. is one more positive thing our kids have somewhat missed out on because of this crappy "family" situation. Can you all help me think through the risk/benefit here? I feel like at this point it's likely safe enough, but I would still appreciate your thoughts.

Should the grandparents find photos of our kids online or whatever, I'd worry that it would fire them up again. They are very much "out of sight out of mind" sorts, and were ignoring grandparents when we were in contact. But if they miss out on bragging rights... like with the play... well, I still feel like I just don't want to deal with that. I can logic myself into saying, "So what?" but I also want to pay attention to my feelings. Because I've learned that they actually do matter.

[hhaw]

I declined while the kids were very young....it was a no brainer 

By middle school I continued to decline.

  I stopped worrying about it once the kids were in hs.

My crazy MIL waited till my kids turned 18 to begin contacting them through the mail and one cousin.

I think she was afraid I'd file a complaint since our last court case was disastrous for her....she and FIL testified for days and the Judge stated contact with them was detrimental to my children. 

I think the trouble of reactive crazy grandparents outweighs any pleasure of the kids pictures on Facebook.  At least while they're younger.

Good luck,

[AlisonWonder]

I don't know sorry but I can tell you that as a parentally alienated parent, I have tended not to brag and fuss about my children's milestones if I discover them because of the likelihood of revealing I only know because it was a public post on fb or instagram.
I will tell my DH and that is all.  Of course I don't know if this would happen for your people because true victims are embarassed by what has happened to them, whereas pretend ones like to flaunt how they have been "mistreated"

However it does give them a conversational "opening" with your children so I don't like it from that point of view.

[Pepin]

I am the same.  No publicity.  Except for Honor Roll.  But, no pics and I post no pics.  My social media is about me only and set to private.  That being said, we did move and I know NF knows.  No doubt I've been stalked by a PI as well over the years since NF has a history of doing that when I was younger and admitted it. 

[Call Me Cordelia]

Thank you for your thoughts everyone. I declined permission to use their photos for publicity purposes.

[Sidney37]

I'm conflicted about this as well.  My older child is now in high school and plays on a varsity sports team at the school.   The teams here all have social media pages as do the schools to publicize games, who scored, tournaments, pictures of athletes, etc.  it would embarrass my child more to be told that I was telling the coach, the athletic director and the boosters that no pictures or mention of her could be anywhere.  But, I'm just waiting for enD to post a nasty or sarcastic reply to a team picture meant to embarrass me, but instead humiliates her.