Dinner place

[sunshine702]

So I am thinking about a  historic dinner spot for when uNarc mom comes to town. There was a private club that I went to political event at that I thought (oh she would love this) 1. Exclusive (braggable). History pictures on the walls.  And I would have to  call to see if I can even get in again (likely yes) .  It was decent food and decent prices. 
Part of me says sure do it
And another part of me says - what are you doing? Trying to impress her as always.  Sometimes she get very dismissive if she is in a mood. Let them eat as some mundane place she picks by the hotel. Who cares.
Certain wow times never seem to be brought up but Golden Child and Cheesecake Factory.. the salad. Eyeroll. 

What do you guys think?

[SonofThunder]

I luckily don't visit with my uNPDf except about 1x per year for a matter of hours. 

But, if i did, he would belittle anyones choice other than his own, by promoting what his opposite choice would have been or 1-up comparing to his fave spot in his home town, regardless of how historic/fancy or mundane the other persons choice may be. 

Therefore I would choose the "who cares" route, let the narc choose and then i would order the salad only, every time, in "im not that hungry", economical, silent healthy-greens protest of narcs.  Then, when the narc departs, i treat myself to the hearty meal i would have ordered at my favorite place to eat, in celebration of my prior silent-greens protest. 

SoT

[bloomie]

sunshine702 - agree with SOT that no matter how much thought and consideration you give to finding a lovely place to dine together and make a 'wow' time together it may fall flat as it wasn't your mother's choice, doesn't compare to another place or experience, is too much, too little, to hot, too cold... thinking of Goldie Locks here. An ever moving target of approval and appreciation from some people in our lives.

Do the easiest thing for you and keep your medium chill on throughout!

Therefore I would choose the "who cares" route, let the narc choose and then i would order the salad only, every time, in "im not that hungry", economical, silent healthy-greens protest of narcs.  Then, when the narc departs, i treat myself to the hearty meal i would have ordered at my favorite place to eat, in celebration of my prior silent-greens protest. 

I am doing this! Can't stop laughing imaging us all eating our Silent Greens in protest! Thanks for making my day! 🥗

[sunshine702]

Yeah you guys are likely right.  It's a shame because my husband is in fine dining so we know some really good spots.  And I know some really interesting historic spots.  Recently we ate at a James Beard Award winner!  That is pretty special.  But Chipolte it will be likely lol.
Whire rice....grumbles. 

[bee well]

Hi Sunshine 702,

I would say do what feels best for you. Take care of your needs. Enjoy the spaces you like, with your DH and you and others who reciprocate, joyfully. Perhaps you could cancel when you see it is healthier for you. Regardless of what others think. You have nothing to prove, even if you might have that desire to enjoy it all together. In the moment you just  might want to say here this is great, why don't we share this wonderful environment, in spite of it all. In my experience, that doesn't always work. Weigh the consequences vs. the reward and decide what is best for your peace...No expectations.