The old sob story tactic and playing the victim

[Mintstripes]

I've been NC with my FOO for almost 5 years. Apparently, they've been calling relatives (who thankfully are not FMs) to cry about how they don't have access to LO, saying that they were sooo sad that it was LO's birthday and they can't even contact her. God knows what they tell the actual flying monkeys in their lives.

It's funny how it's always about access to the grandkids and never about being accountable for the hurt they caused their own children. They want to completely bypass ME.

Tbh it was the reminder I needed this week.

Anyone else?

[DistanceNotDefense]

My M is doing this with my younger enabler sibling, I think (NC/no response with both). They both have covert Narc tendencies.

Got a sob story message from M that life just isn't complete without me (Hmmmmm, what do you mean by complete? No one to blame or guilt for my PD sibling's behavior maybe....?)

Then my younger sib blew up my phone with calls, 9 PM at night, leaving no message or text or anything. (RUDE.) I didn't answer of course.

The shoulder-sobbing, I think, is just to get loved ones to act on their behalf as FMs. And sadly I can tell my M is wanting to get in touch not because she actually misses me or wants to mend things, it's because I finally have good things going on in my life that she wants to take credit for and savor in.... kinda like your M's grandkid, except in my case it's certain "life amenities" (that are a TON of blood, sweat, and tears for me to have and create).

Bypass me to enjoy the amenities? Absolutely, she would!

[Mintstripes]

Distance: ah yes, the enabler siblings and chaotic behavior like blowing up our phones. I have a sibling like that and am also NC. I'll never forget him leaving me voicemails and texts when I was 8 months pregnant, telling me all about Mom's problems and drama, trying to make me feel guilty for not speaking to her. As if that was my priority right before giving birth (or ever lol).
How convenient that your M would bypass you to take advantage of some perks.

[DistanceNotDefense]

And how convenient to have free access to children they take no part in raising, while spurning their adult child who parents them? The audacity of PDs/dysfunctional families and the "rights" they think they have to their children's bodies, procreation, and hard work to raise a family without giving out any respect, always bowls me over.

Like I said, I don't have children but I'm sure if I did, my situation would be much more fraught and frustrating and my M would put way more pressure on it. That said, in my last in-depth communication with my M there was nothing remorseful said from her about the sadness of losing a relationship with me specifically and personally - but definitely mentions about losing access to certain portions of my life (and probably losing out on some good social media posts to make her look good).

She also said my pets were like grandkids to her!!!! More love for them I suppose. I guess galavanting around my home and my life petting all my animals was the only reason she visited.

I'm sorry you've gone through what you've gone through, with kids it is way more unbelievably tough, I would imagine. I'm only 8 months into NC so I'm still in disbelief that when it really comes down to it, I'm no more than something like a statue or fixture (more like some resource to be mined or utilized...) - and when I insist I can't be used like that, I'm guilted about it 1000x over. PD family going after your kids sounds so much more predatory.

[Call Me Cordelia]

Oh it 100% is predatory. At least it was for me. Couldn't be bothered with the grandkids, but when I went NC my father had his pastor contact my pastor to try to set up a meeting with my kids without me being present.

It's about getting their way, proving their supremacy, and stomping all over our boundaries and laying claim to what is ours. Like a T-Rex in a china shop.